Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I sometimes see you pass outside my door

Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Here's how it fucking is. If I walk past you in the street and I don't despise you or if I remain blissfully unaware of having fucked you off in any major way then I'm going to nod hello. I might even grunt 'howsitgoing'. It is important to note that I am not asking 'how is it going?' There's no fucking question mark there. People who believe that I actually want to know how it might be going are seriously fucking deluded. And people who use my nodding politeness as an excuse to launch into a lengthy discussion of the goingness of it all need to fuck right off.

But yes, if I pass you on the street or in the stairwell of the gym you can confidently expect a nod and grunt. It's only polite. And politeness, indeed manners generally, are a big thing for Gimme.

Which leads me to the post point of today, Gmail chat. I log on, I go uninvisible and I see the tall column of little green lights indicating the availabilty of my many gmail enabled correspondents. And unless I have something witty or profound to say, I just ignore these bulbous emerald bulbs. And more and more it feels as if I'm walking into a room, looking around and pointedly ignoring the fuck out of everyone. This bothers me. It makes me feel rude. And while I don't so much mind being thought of as an inconstant, self-absorbed, conceited cunt, I am upset by the possibilty of my being impolite.

So again, here's how it fucking is. I shall now be greeting green lights with a 'howsitgoing'. This does not require a response. I am not begging for your attention and praise. Fine. I am not overtly begging for your attention and praise. I am merely being polite. Return the greeting if you want, it's no skin off my nose, you ignorant fuck. If you want to use this greeting as an opportunity to monopolise my time and bug the fuck out of me with irritating questions about the well-being of my family and lengthy diatribes on your most recent mental illness, then by all means, it's not like I have anything better to be doing. I'm sure Common Law can do her own Gorgonzola smearing. If it causes her pain and lightheadedness then that's a small price to pay for your having an audience for your witterings.

Isn't this going to be fun? Excited already, aren't you? Already completed your move to Yahoo, haven't you? Ha! I've got that too, stalkee. You can virtually run, but you can't cyberly hide.

Mostly I'm looking I'm looking forward to saying hello to the Creative support team guy whose name has been in my sidebar for the last year. He's going to think I want his hot little Bangladeshian body. And then I'm going to have a little less clutter on my sidebar.

Today's Title

10 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Conan Drumm said...

That used to give me all kinds of manners-anxiety too but then I decided on the "I'm not interrupting them at work" angle. And lookee, no more guilt! Except for family. Family always get a "Howya?"

gimme a minute said...

Those working types are just going to have to fucking suck it up from now on. It's not like they don't want to be distracted anyway.

savannah said...

i figure, if someone has something to say to me, they will, sugar, as in, just cos the greenlight is there doesn't mean y'all have to cross ;-) xox

gimme a minute said...

I'm a cyclist and therefore have something of a mental block when it comes to the meaning of traffic light colours.

V said...

I want a refund, I did'nt understand your post.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I haven't the first fuck what you're on about, Gimme. You gmailers with your baffling "little green light" jargon are distressing me to the point I need a Double Decker. That's 2 whole distress points more than a Crunchie.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

Something about being polite though, right? I can get behind that.

Rosie said...

i saw you hovering there in my sidebar alright. i thought about saying hello but then i thought you might be mean to me so i didn't.

you scare me just a little, you see.

gimme a minute said...

Dude, you use gmail chat. You talk to me on gmail chat. The fuck is not to understand?

And once you give me some money, you can have it back.

I doubt there is a plentiful supply of Double Deckers where you're hanging out.

So sorry about that.

Yeah, I'm fucking terrifying, I am.


Kangster126 said...

To be entirely honest: You're fucking brilliant. I stumbled upon this and I gotta say...You caught my attention and never lost it. I don't know who you are nor really care, but if for some reason we ever end up meeting eachother... I might just have to shake your hand. Seriously, fucking brilliant.

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