Monday, May 19, 2008

Fuck off

Monday, May 19, 2008
We had a visitor to our house today. I happened to be preparing hummous when she arrived. So I broke off, made this guest a cup of tea and then returned to my Ancient Egyptian treat. With the help of both Data and Riker I finished it off, cut up some carrots and toasted a couple of pittas. This I served to the lady in question who, I feel obligated to needlessly point out, was accompanied by my mother in common law.

'You're very domesticated, Gimme', sneered this woman as I laid a mini-feast before her.

So I shat on the fucking table.

7 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Twenty Major said...

And I bet none of them dipped a bit of carrot in it, the ungrateful cunts.

Problemchildbride said...

Does that count as a dip or as finger-food though? Is it OK to use a cocktail stick or is this more of a fork situation? My etiquette on poo's a bit crap, hoho.

I never know what to do with my hands in these situations, trying to juggle your teacup and napkin and just that bit bigger than bite-sized nibble. Then you feel sweat trickling down your back as you have to talk to the vicar with the crumbs on his tash. Then you want to run from the scene screaming. Mostly I just want a sausage roll and to be left alone.

In the course of writing this, my brother, a nurse, called me up and told me a horrible poo true story which I'm not telling anyone because it's so unnatural and wrong.

Medbh said...

Sexist women drive me nuts.

Shitting on the table was a fair riposte to such a lowbrow crack.

Manuel said...

bwahahahahahaha wish I'd done that when I was mother in law was horrendous......

fatmammycat said...

Polite! I'd have back handed her across the couch and then pretended she'd had a stroke when she came round-assuming sadly she had come around.

emordino said...

Man, I fucking hate that. I remember shopping for jeans once with a girl cooing about how cute it was watching a man walk around a clothes shop. Asking for a slap.

Hummous + pitta bread = super delicious. Also, pesto works nicely.

Sniffle&Cry said...

And what exactly is bad about it, save the sneer.

I'm well domesticated, and fucking proud of it.

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