Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I never said I was frightened of dying

Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I know, I know. You want to hear about the dinner party. You want the tale of Huckleberry Hurling and the Tasteless Chilli. You crave details on how being a parent instantly transforms you into an insufferable bore. You lust for the knowledge of the proposal, the refusal, the stormy exit. And it's coming. Honestly, it's coming. And it's going to be so fucking hot that I may have to charge admission.

But first joyous tidings of joy. Again. Jesus fucking Christ but could people ease off with the happy news? I got engaged! I got a job! My puppies passed their Sociology finals! Give it a rest people, you're bringing us underachievers down.

Gav, whom you may remember, got his lovely wife up the Damien, is now the proud father of a beautiful baby girl. I'm guessing he's proud. I'm assuming she's beautiful. Maybe he's ashamed. Perhaps she's pig ugly. But I doubt these things, I doubt them with all my heart. And I am also convinced that both Gav and his lovely wife will, like myself, Common Law and a handful of others, escape the almost inevitable insufferable boringosity that child rearing produces. You have to have a little previous form, you see.

And so folks, for the second time in as many weeks, get those fucking glasses in the air.

Today's Title (Obviously I'd like you to listen to the whole fucking thing but if you need to be pumped full of drugs to endure Pink Floyd, ahem, then I urge you to skip to 1:08 where the improvised vocal tribute to the newborn begins)

17 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Medbh said...

Mazel tov!
A blessing on their household.

fatmammycat said...

Oh thank you for the warning on the t-t-t-title track, I AM much obliged.
Muchio kissios for that one. And also I shall wet that new baby's head come gingerday.
Huzzah for other folk's newbies! May she grow up quiet but demanding.

Manuel said...

well done to your chums n that.........now remember the christening should go on for about 8 hours and end in a fight......that's the way it's done up here.....

savannah said...

congrats to the newest baby & parents! you're really dealing with all this grand news well, sugar! very impressive ;-) xox

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

Lovely news, for sure. Happy New Parent Day to Gav and his missus!

What sort of baby is it? Pink or blue?

I wish them all hale and hearty happiness.

kiki said...

i want to hear about the australian pink floyd show

gimme a minute said...

Bless you.

But you listened anyway, right? Right?

I don't think I've been to a christening since I was a child. I'm not counting the back street, brown envelope one we got done for the Bridge Crew so that they could attend school.

Amn't I though? Not one little gloat about the six weeks to one year of sleepless hell that awaits him.

I don't think you're combing through my writings quite as finely as you might.

Or maybe you were asking if the baby was healthy or breathless? Healthy then, is the answer.

It was just like Pink Floyd, but Australian. The best bit was the Clare Torry impersonation.

Ellie said...

You know i really need to stop reading important news on the internet. Text me these things god darn it!

gimme a minute said...

My phone is broken and anyway it's more fun this way.

Ellie said...

Hmph. How did you break another phone?

Conan Drumm said...

Did Gav opt for an epidural?

conortje said...

I can't even get myself a date at the moment so I'm finding it challenging to be happy for all those whose lives are going so well. Ah feck it, it is good news I suppose ..(raises glass anyways and drinks it down in one)

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

Ah poo. I see it now. Sorry.

gimme a minute said...

I dropped it. Don't hate me because I'm diseased.

No, he climbed in the birthing pool. Not sure about the lovely wife.

I know exactly what you mean.

And if I wasn't already dating Common Law, and if I lived in Holland, and if the whole gay thing had worked out for me, and you were willing, I would definitely date you myself.

Not a problem.

But I am having an end of bleughing year exam, so you might want to start paying a little more attention.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

Multiple choice or essays?

Compare and contrast Gimme's use of the words "stormy" and "dying" before and after the Tintin haircut.

"Gabh suas ort féin." Discuss.

That sort of thing?

Rosie said...

tasteless chilli? tragic.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

Sorry to go off topic - does anyone know what's happened to John Mc's blog? I've just been getting a blank screen the past few times I've tried it.

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