Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na, doo doo doo doo

Tuesday, May 27, 2008
The duck, who we have named Hillary, is proving to be hard work. She keeps crapping everywhere and seems to requires my constant attention, my constant affection. If she is not being fed, or gently stroked about the wing area, Hillary cheeps irritatingly and at ever an increasing volume. I'm worried that the landperson neighbours are going to hear her mournful squeaks, and have us evicted for being in violation of the 'no pets' clause. I've gone through three packets of duck shit clearing baby wipes since Friday and I could really do with a shower, but Hillary now rules the bath area like a fluffy dictator and I'm too hairy and shy to be naked in her presence.

It all seems like too much effort for a twelve month distant, single Chinese meal.


Today's Title

14 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Medbh said...

Wow, I didn't think that Data got you a real duck. What do they eat? Pellets? Fish?

gimme a minute said...

Medbh:
Fish pellets.

emordino said...

You should just take care of some spring rolls instead. They make very little noise and they generally keep to themselves.

stipes said...

roast duckling sounds good to me, but how do you tell Data?

fatmammycat said...

An actual duck? How Joey Tribiani of you! Photos please.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

You could put a nappy on it, maybe. What made you name her Hillary? Her unflappability?

Will she lay you any eggs?

gimme a minute said...

Emordino:
Ah, but they're so easy to fall in love with, E.M.

I had one as a child and wept all the way through dinner.

Stipes:
It's my fucking duck, I'll do what I want with it.

Fatmammycat:
Yes, it is all a bit 'Friends', isn't it? If only she'd got me a llama.

Sam:
As it happens, she's named for the Mother Superior of a convent school I attended for one year at the impressionable age of seven.

Anonymous said...

"gone through three packets of duck shit clearing baby wipes"

gimme a minute said...

Anonymous:
Yes.

And?

Medbh said...

I had duck once or twice and didn't like it.
Tasted like blood.

fatmammycat said...

It's need to be smothered in hoi sin sauce. mmmllamas and hoi sin sauce.

Conan Drumm said...

Train it to sleep in the microwave... it'll make it easier when, you know, the time comes...

savannah said...

what a delish variation on bringing home the bacon, sugar! set-up a live feed, so we can all watch your hillary grow fat & succulent. xoxo

(i've truly grown tired of watching the hillary on this side of the pond grow increasingly more strident and vitriolic!)

gimme a minute said...

Medbh:
I'm not seeing the problem.

Fatmamycat:
Llama tastes like chicken, right? Everything tastes like chicken.

Conan:
Done. I'm now using short microwave bursts in place of the sun lamp.

Savannah:
A live feed? You don't want to see me eat.

The Clinton 'I better stay in the race in case Osama I mean Obama gets assassinated, hint hint lone gunmen' statement does make me question her stability somewhat.

 
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