Shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up. The fuck are you doing in here anyway? Don’t you know that meatheads hate cardio? Are you unaware that when, once in a blue fucking moon, you do deign to lower yourself to the exercise choice of the skinny that you’re just supposed to stick that gradient on Kilimanjaro and stumble up the threadmill (sic) for fifteen minutes or so? Spin is for the obese, the anorexic and the odd athlete. Juice junkies need not apply.
I’m being unfair, elitist. I know. I'm sorry. I take it back. All are welcome. I’ll take the old, the infirm, those of middling build and body fat. I’ll take even you, you fucking lifter, you. But for serious guys, just shut the fucking fuck up. I’m talking here. I’m giving it loads on the technique, the encouragement, the mindless screaming of abuse. And if people can hear you discussing what Saoirse said to Fiachra while he was going down on Fionn over my newly micced up dulcet tones then you are speaking too loudly. Stop it you spotty steroid enhanced spa brain. This is a place of effort, pain and vomit inducing suffering, not a fucking knitting circle. Take your inane conversation elsewhere.
And hey there, on your way out, could you stop being so muscley? It’s real fucking annoying. Thank you.