Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Almost poking fun

Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Oh for the love of...

Today's post is about ass-wiping. It is, if you will, a beginners guide. For people who may not know how to wipe their own ass, I hope this will help.

Oooh, see that syntax? That's fucking award-winning that is.

I shit through - and wipe my - ass, a number of times a day and I've compiled some instructions below, that may help you, I hope.

No, no, folks, that really is a sentence. An award-winning sentence.

I've also included a brief (and probably inaccurate) description of asses to hopefully introduce you to some you may not be familiar with.

Yes folks, I know that I've used the word 'hope' three times now, but this post it's full of hope, oh so very fucking full of hope. And you like my random italicisation? Pure fucking poetry, I'm telling you.

1. There are a number of different types of ass.

I'm not sure why I have written that particular sentence in bold so I'll just keep on arbitrarily bolding words and sentences from here on in.
Two of the most popular asses are boy asses and girl asses or female asses and they have different ways of being wiped. I'll hopefully show you this below.

Whaddya know? Hope and italics combined. This is award winning prose, for reals.

2. Wiping your ass is no more difficult than feeding yourself. Honestly. It's three basic steps:

Why then am I arsed writing this, excuse the pun, shit, may be the question that pops into your mind but a more pertinent one would be why the fuck I didn't highlight the first sentence of point number two. Ah sweet mystery of fucking life.

  • Take a dump.
  • Get some toilet paper.
  • Wipe your ass. That's it!
There's more folks, of course there's more, but it involves so much repetition and ass-wiping related ass-sucking that I can't bring myself to continue on this doubtlessly mind-numbing but hopefully informative toss. If you really want to know who's ass I'd like you to wipe and/or suck, you'll find them in my sidebar. I just hope that you can cope without the pretty pictures.

Today's Title

13 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

dj lance said...

you a crazy black lady.

Rosie said...

LOLZ... LOLZ and ROFL's.

stipes said...

someone piss on your chips?

gimme a minute said...

That I am.

You're bad.

Yes. Since you ask.

Medbh said...

Well it's a good thing you didn't add in baby wipes like Terrence Howard insists upon.

savannah said...

i wondered wtf you were going on about until i clicked that link, sugar! omg, you're hysterical...and i love you for it! ;-) well done! xox

gimme a minute said...

That might have made it all a little too complicated.

Yeah, I kinda put the link in after the fact. You've become one of the few people who know what the fuck I'm on about.

Rosie said...

no, your bad.

Darragh said...

Awww, aren't you lovely? Lovely!

gimme a minute said...

That's a whole lot of humour for just three words.

I'm sensing irony.

But as you're the one with the phone, it would seem that lovely wins.


GayƩ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eolai said...

I might be behind (behind - Ha ha!), but I got this on the 2nd mention of award-winning. You should dump that link. Dump! Ha ha!

gimme a minute said...

Coulda woulda shoulda.

Nice toilet humour, though. I need to work on my poo jokes.

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