Today's post is about ass-wiping. It is, if you will, a beginners guide. For people who may not know how to wipe their own ass, I hope this will help.
Oooh, see that syntax? That's fucking award-winning that is.
I shit through - and wipe my - ass, a number of times a day and I've compiled some instructions below, that may help you, I hope.
No, no, folks, that really is a sentence. An award-winning sentence.
I've also included a brief (and probably inaccurate) description of asses to hopefully introduce you to some you may not be familiar with.
Yes folks, I know that I've used the word 'hope' three times now, but this post it's full of hope, oh so very fucking full of hope. And you like my random italicisation? Pure fucking poetry, I'm telling you.
1. There are a number of different types of ass.
I'm not sure why I have written that particular sentence in bold so I'll just keep on arbitrarily bolding words and sentences from here on in.
Two of the most popular asses are boy asses and girl asses or female asses and they have different ways of being wiped. I'll hopefully show you this below.
Whaddya know? Hope and italics combined. This is award winning prose, for reals.
2. Wiping your ass is no more difficult than feeding yourself. Honestly. It's three basic steps:
Why then am I arsed writing this, excuse the pun, shit, may be the question that pops into your mind but a more pertinent one would be why the fuck I didn't highlight the first sentence of point number two. Ah sweet mystery of fucking life.
- Take a dump.
- Get some toilet paper.
- Wipe your ass. That's it!