Saturday, June 14, 2008

In this world we're just beginning to understand the miracle of living

Saturday, June 14, 2008
I got two little links for you here, both to do with my favourite people in the whole wide world, those peace-lovin', Jesus-blowin' evangelicals.

The first is from The Seattle Times. I once had a stopover at Seattle Airport on my way to visit the Away Team. However much I craned my head as I leant over the kindly Indian gentleman in the window seat, I was unable to catch even a single glimpse of either Kurt Cobain or Eddie Vedder. This was disappointing, to me.

The gist of this article that you are unlikely to open, let alone read, is as follows: Younger right-wing crazies, despite growing ever crazier than their older brothers in delusion, are still considering voting for Obama. Big swinging mickeys, right? And less convincing than even the most Ray Bolgery of straw polls.

What I truly adore though, is the closing line of the article, a quote from Tyler Braun (the first rule of God Club is you must constantly talk about God Club) a 23 year old seminary student from Portland:

'I just keep thinking, if Jesus were alive now, he wouldn't necessarily be voting Republican.'

You think, Tyler? But hang on, wasn't Jesus a warmongering fuck bag who took from the poor to give to the rich? He said 'Cluster bomb the shit out of your neighbour' didn't he? Wasn't that one of his big lines? Seriously dude, if you think Jesus voted for Bush, you gotta be considering the possibility that he's unlikely to be drawing the line at John McOvenChips.

'Necessarily'. Comedy genius. You're wasted in a seminary, Tyler baby, you should take that gold on the road.

Next, the all new 'You've been left behind' website. For a subscription of just $40 a year, this service gives the opportunity to the 'saved' to send pre-written emails to their 'unsaved' friends and family who insist on not spitting on homosexuals and beating up women who want a modicum of control over their own bodies. If the website's employees, who are apparently scattered across the globe, fail to log in for six days in a row then these admonishing mails are automatically delivered to the damned.

So it would appear that despite omnipotence, omniscience and omnibusicality, the Great Bearded Overlord does not have broadband in his gaff. And frankly, this makes me want to be left behind, left the fuck behind, to internet access having hell fire.


Today's Title

11 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

V said...

And on a separate note, everyone who voted 'No' also voted for rendition and torture because Ulick McGeady of the Libertas crowd supplies exactly that to the US military, so give it up for Richard Boyd Barret and PNAC, twats!

Rosie said...

[begs to differ]

it's not about choosing sides, V...

V said...

Yeah maybe not, but why the hell would he want to spend money like that without having something to gain by it?

Rosie said...

sadly true enough, but still not a good enough reason for me to consent to the amendments.

i'd better stop talking about it in Gimme's comments now. i'd hate to incur his terrible wrath.

Medbh said...

Seattle is one of my favorite cities, Gimme. The food is top notch and you can walk all over.

kiki said...

it must have been a while ago that you were in Seattle; Eddie Vedder so isn't worth looking for anymore

but hey, apparently the food is good (if you enjoy walking)

Conan Drumm said...

You should see the rosary-related junk mail the postman's been dropping in. Apparently it cures family breakdown, mortgage problems and all that ails the modern world. They're cashing in on the recession, I reckon. If your bank manager gets tough you may as well turn to you-know-who.

emordino said...

What an amazing idea for a website. The logic is impeccable. I'd love to be able to read some of the emails people are writing.

gimme a minute said...

V:
Don't you have your own blog for this kind of off topic ranting?

Rosie:
My wrath is more annoying than terrible, I think.

Medbh:
The runway was lovely.

Kiki:
I'll have you know his soundtrack to 'Into the Wild' was one of my favourite albums of the last year.

I even bought it.

Conan:
Can Jesus merge all my debts into one manageable monthly repayment?

Praise the Lord!

Emordino:
Me too. I wonder how many of them say 'Nyah nyah, nyay, nyay, nyah!'

Conan Drumm said...

I think rosary beads are like a spritual abacus - they recalculate your APR and do big voodoo on inter-bank landing rates.

fatmammycat said...

"If your bank manager gets tough you may as well turn to you-know-who."

Spongebob?

 
◄Design by Pocket