Saturday, June 7, 2008

It turn me off when I feel left out

Saturday, June 7, 2008
I recently had the word 'lovely' insultingly hurled at me on these very pages, and while 'ignorant, smart-arsed, puppy-kicking cunt' might have been a little more on the money, 'lovely' hurt just as much.

And then last night, for some fucking reason, I venture out of the house, not to go to work or pick up or drop off a child but to actually meet people. Real live people in real live life. And what do I get in return for this baring of my social soul? I get called fucking 'nice'. And 'not a monster'. I am not fucking nice. I am a fucking monster. If I appear 'nice' it's because I'm faking it, faking it hard. Twelve hours later, my cheeks still ache from the rictus grin of my simulated niceness. If I seem to lack monstrosity, that is because I'm holding said monster of bitterness and self-disgust under the table, under the table and away from my vunerable Johnson which it would very much like to get its mouth on, its teeth into.

All the people that I met were really nice lovely likeable. Easy to talk to, fun to be around. And I fucking hate talking, despise being around. So good folks, those folks.

Except for that very short cunt on the way to the toilet, in the toilet, on the way back from the toilet. I was lying to you, you tiny tosser. I am off the telly. But if you think I'm going to admit that so that you and our mates can take the piss and regale me with your own 'I once accidentally vomited on Dinny' stories then you can go and fuck. Your persistence, cunt, is undignified and unseemly. It demeans us both. So fuck off, or I'll be letting the real Gimme come out to play.


Today's Title

18 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Medbh said...

Don't kick the puppies, Gimme.
They might bite.

Twenty Major said...

I would have said 'personable' and 'mildly arousing' so I can why 'nice' is getting you down.

fatmammycat said...

I would have 'smooth skinned' and 'can hold his hooch' which I think is far more important than 'nice'.

stipes said...

Look! Your a nice person, get fuckin' over it.

gimme a minute said...

Medbh:
I've stopped. Until next month anyway.

Twenty:
Mildly?

Ok, fine, I'll take that.

Fatmammycat:
You're too sweet. But just so's you know, I'm faking the hooch holding too.

Stipes:
Fuck you.

Rosie said...

"likeable"?

gimme a minute said...

Rosie:
You prefer 'nice'?

Rosie said...

"likeable" sounds so dull. if it makes you feel any better, my brother didn't call you "nice". he just asked if i was sure you're not gay.

Annie Rhiannon said...

I said you were "a dote". But I got that word from Rosie.

Rosie said...

i'll have to be careful what i say around you. you're like a sponge.

gimme a minute said...

Rosie:
You can tell him that I spent six weeks trying my very hardest, but found myself unable to get past the hairy bum thing.

Or you could absolutely not tell him that.

Annie:
Really, you people are completely fucking with my image.

And don't forget that I'm expecting some pointed use of the word 'plaintive' in the near future...

Twenty Major said...

Gimme's plaintive wailing filled the room when it became known to all and sundry that he was indeed quite nice.

I hate you, if that's any consolation.

gimme a minute said...

Twenty:
Oh, you hate everyone.

Twenty Major said...

I am a tart, I admit it.

savannah said...

*speechless*

Conan Drumm said...

I see where you're coming from with the inoffensive adjectives, you irascible young codger.

K8 the Gr8 said...

The fucking nerve of some people!

gimme a minute said...

Twenty:
A superhero tart.

Savannah:
Me too. Sometimes. Ok, never.

Conan:
Codger? Does that mean penis?

K8:
I know, I know!

 
◄Design by Pocket