Friday, June 27, 2008

It's hot as hell in Martirio

Friday, June 27, 2008
A little dislocated arse vignette for you. And a perfect snapshot of what I am.

I had decided to take off my bike shoes. They've started being all pinchy and as I was not at the time hammering Hardcore Motherfucker, riding Rosie or jesus killing with Jesus Killer, their removal seemed to be a logical step.

Logical, and simple. Two velcro straps across each shoe, only one of which needs to be opened to facilitate the comfortable slipping off and on of said footwear. But oh, that bending over! It just seemed like such a strain. My days are so filled with arduous and thankless tasks already, I mused, so why pile on the misery by inflicting on my person the hassle of hip flexion, the trauma of erector spinae extension? And so I attempted to ease one shoe off by using the other. No dice. Too snug. I relented and bent over. But in a token gesture of laze, a final single digit raised at this vile vie and its endless demands, I maintained my refusal to open the velcro strap. Fuck you, existence. Fuck you and your making me do stuff.

A number of almighty wrenches later, this pinchy shoe lay five feet away in a pool of spilt espresso and shattered coffee cup. And I was possessed of shooting pains in my hip and a dull ache in my right glute. Symptoms, I'm sure you'll agree, of the aforementioned dislocated arse.

All of which is a small price to pay for a rare victory in my war against this sorry excuse for a life.

15 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Medbh said...

It's no wonder you're feeling lazy after all the physical activity you do between riding and teaching.
Have a nice sit.

Mr. M gave away one of his bikes to the neighbor who had his stolen.

V said...

wooden floors can be hell for a lazy bastard

V said...

I mean 'time pressured bastard' of course, compared to me you are Donald F***ing Trump

Sniffle&Cry said...

Look, at least the Spanish will win the Euro thing. Comment of the tournament must be V's description earlier here “kissy lips fancy trainers".

Your pain Gimme,I feel your pain through the ether but are you drinking enough? No really, drink helps and not water. And baths too, don't mind all that senty hoopla either, just hot water and wine.

And what about that sensational Jesus killer (I still think uni-killer fits better), what news?

gimme a minute said...

That was nice of him. He couldn't have shipped it to me, no?

Please don't use asterisks.

Spain winning the thing is no good thing for me. I'm for Germany. Dour, workmanlike Germany.

And I'm sure I'll manage a big JK post after my sabbatical.

Rosie said...

i broke my arse once too. i was doing something entirely else at the time, however.

more vinegary vignettes, please. i like them.

gimme a minute said...

The fuck am I, Ronan Collins?

V said...

Fuck sorry!

Twenty Major said...

Shut the fuck up, Nonny.

Pre-emptive. Carry on.

V said...

Back to school for the swearing people!

Manuel said...

"vignette" damn it I used that word people are gonna think I copied you....when I didn't....well not this time.....

savannah said...

so, let me get this straight, fell on your ass taking your shoe off? okkkkkkkk...

gimme a minute said...

You going into Iran next?

There's a Big Lebowski one of those. Which isn't funny either.

Great, great minds, sir.

And yeah, fools seldom...

You make it sound so graceless.

Rosie said...

ew, no. can you be Sam Smyth, please?

Conan Drumm said...

Playing ring-a-ring-a-roses with your shoes will bring a blush to your ring. I do mourn the espresso and the cracked cup.

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