Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Last night he kicked her out of bed and swore it was a goal

Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Decision time approaches. I've been reading up on the issues at hand, taking advice from those I respect and looking deep into my soul. But I still find myself unable to pick a country at which to rage for the duration of Euro 2008.

Who will I be supporting? Don't know. V knows though. Traditionally, in every major tournament containing year, V gets me a football top for my birthday. His choice seems to be mostly based on aesthetics rather that any footballing considerations and thus I found myself supporting Germany in the last World Cup. The stylish red and black away kit it was, which they never fucking wore as the compettion was held in, yes, Germany, with the name 'Schweinsteiger' emblazoned across the shoulders. 'G'wan Pig Farmer!' I would scream at the oversized screen in Finbar's basement, lacking as I am in even the most basic German.

On a side note, might I suggest avoiding spending a World Cup anywhere in the Okanagan Valley. It's not that Canadians are unable to grasp the more intricate subtleties of football, or even that they are incapable of referring to the beautiful game as anything other than 'soccer', it's more that they haven't got a fucking clue and that they keep fucking saying 'soccer'.

Once the Krauts got knocked out, I switched my allegiance to Italy. Because I have Italian cousins, because I felt in my water that they were going to win and most of all because I fancy the hole off Paolo Maldini. Oh Paolo. Oh baby. Gaze upon my unworthy visage with those deep, heart-breaking eyes and I am yours to use as you please. You name it, Paolo mio caro, and I'll do it.


So yeah, I'm supporting the team whose top will arrive, like everything V related, right on time. And once they go out, I'll move to my default Eye-Tie position.

But who gives a fuck about that? Not me. The big question for Gimme remains: Who will be the recipient of his focused bile, his undiluted scorn, all of his footballing wrath? And why is this the big question? Because I get more joy from hate than love. That's the kind of cunt that I am.

Normally, there would be no head scratching, no hair pulling, no breast beating. But those inconsiderate, incompetent Britlanders, despite having one or two allegedly world-class players, miserably failed to qualify. So who will it be? Austria (Nazi cunts)? Greece (jammy cunts)? Switzerland (Nazi helper jammy cunts)? or Russia (Chelsea cunts)?

What say you?

18 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Manuel said...

I got Turkey in the sweep at work......I don't know if that helps......does it?

kiki said...

sweden always does well without doing much

and their supporters are so much hotter than turkish fans

mwellti said...


In Canada we watch sports where the teams score and tied games are actually fucking finished (goalies taking turns guessing isn't finishing a game). you keep your intricate subtleties, I'll be watching curling and bass fishing.


Rosie said...

this was the lost masterpiece you were whingeing about? a post about fucking soccer?

Maldini... nah.

gimme a minute said...

No, but thanks for trying.

Sheesh, don't they make any mingers? It's hardly fair on the ladies from every other land.

All beauty has a little ugliness. And don't be stealing my curling jokes.

The lost one was better. That's the whole fucking point.


You're just calling it soccer to be mean. Play nice, as someone once said.


One more fucking negative word about my smoulderingly cheek-boned darling and you're fucking barred.

Twenty Major said...

I hate Ronaldo so much I hope Portugal suffers an Asian tsunami that comes all the way from Asia.

Spain to win. Or Russia. Or possibly Germany. But not France.

So that's France to win it then.

Conan Drumm said...

Russia already won the Eurovision, that's reason enough to hate them. And it must be at least ten times the size of every other country.

Anonymous said...

I second Portugal, horrible bitches..

savannah said...

new orleans saints are the ones to root for in football, sugar! ;-) they'll take the super bowl i know it!

(oh, wait, you're on the other side of the mean, the other clue then)

Medbh said...

We drove through the Okanagan Valley on our way here from Oregon.
It was utterly beautiful, but probably more suitable for your retirement years than one's youth.

gimme a minute said...

Twenty Major:
Twinkle Toes is going to be in Austria (or Switzerland stupid fucking shared hosting) for the next few weeks so an Asian tsunami in Portugal won't be of much use.

Unless you believe the sins of Ronaldo should be visited on his nation?

Stupid question.

Conan Drumm:
I think national land mass might even be a disadvantage in football. USA, China, bass fishing Canada.

I fail to see why their lower body attire should cloud our judgement.

Oh, you said bitches.

Yup, the game that involves feet coming in contact with a ball on a regular basis.

Tell that to my beer-swilling, drug-abusing, casino-frequenting siblings.

And where's your in-depth Euro2008 analysis?

V said...

I entirely share your Ronaldo sentiment, his mug is everywhere here, but I love Portugal and I think they deserve to win something after being humiliated at home by Greece last time. There are so many reasons to love Portugal apart from 'Him". Unfortunately there's no way of them doing it without 'Him'. So I'm going for Portugal and then Spain if they get dumped even though they are all red scousers.

Twenty Major said...

Portugal also kidnapped Madeleine McCann.


V said...

I know, how could the cops not spot 11 million people trying to kidnap a kid. I think Sky News did it, cost vs benefit. If they catch him they should make him watch all the media coverage as punishment.

stipes said...

whichever country has the most players in the premiership, go for them. Its Spain for me.
oh hold on is that to jeer or cheer?

gimme a minute said...

Where's my top? Clock is ticking, dude.

I forgot already.

Apparently Austria are made up entirely of Derby players. At least I think that's what a football expert told me.

I may have gotten that a little mixed up.

Sniffle said...

Holland, the total football thing and for that fit girl what Seedorf goes out with

gimme a minute said...

It's hard to argue with that reasoning.

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