Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Robert Eagar Notes

Tuesday, June 24, 2008
As my one year anniversary approaches, I offer a simple one post guide to 'Stranded on Gaia' which will save you from having to plough through this tripe for yet another twelve months:

This unpopular 'blog' is keyboarded by Gimme A. Minute, ex-actor, fitness professional, drug addict and father. Posts on 'Stranded On Gaia' fall into three distinct categories:

1) General anger at whatever the fuck happens to be in front of the author. While Dublin City Council, reality television and Roisin Ingle are popular targets, the gist of these entries is that everything is shit and everything is being shit on purpose just to enrage Gimme. It's all fucking personal, pontificate these posts, and it will be taken lying down with a big sucked-on Snickers.

2) Bicycles. Hardcore Motherfucker, Rosie and the recently named Jesus Killer. Their sexiness, their danger. Their sexy dangerousness. Their being stolen, their being recovered. Their central place in our hero's early death fantasies. Their not being cars.

3) The Bridge Crew. Sissy mickey Gimme's two girl children, Riker and Data. How they piss him off, how he loves them anyway. How he finds them relentlessly heartbreaking yet charming. How the rest of the world could do without listening to these hackneyed, syrupy lovey dovey tales of cuteness. You're children aren't special, Gimme.

Did I say three? I meant four.

4) Self-pitying weep fests bemoaning the emptiness, tedium and horror of Gimme's childhood, day to day life and future prospects. While similar to post type 1, these sloppily written offerings replace rage with a repetitive screech for attention and sympathy. These are Gimme's favourite kind.

Now so. All done. No need for you to revisit, folks, that's all I've got.

24 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Conan Drumm said...

Hold on, what about the footie, landlord and tenant face-offs, fraught parental engagements and genetic offshoots, general spew on acTORs... etc. Should I file under spleen, general?

gimme a minute said...

I think that would be for the best.

Conan Drumm said...

Ok, done.

Twenty Major said...

Are you having a party? Will there be rice krispie cakes and microdots?

redleeroy said...

.....a warm feeling of blog inclusion and shared rage.

savannah said...

son, you've got a panty on your face.

find the movie that's from and you'll have the answer, sugar. xoxox

(or a damn good laugh)


gimme a minute said...

And salvia for the grown ups.

Are you sure that you didn't just have a little accident?

All life's answers are to be found in the movies of the Coen Brothers, it seems.

Anonymous said...

And the joys Gimme, the joys you unwittingly bring, don't forget those. Where did the blog name come from? These pages are among my favourites. Sven and Avram did a year too, and so did Roy, so personal hate figure or not, I reckon you’ll be given the ginny goats for a while more. Best of luck for till you’re two.

Twenty Major said...

You've only got a few days left to go driving on Salvia.

gimme a minute said...

The title comes from a peel off Star Trek calendar. But don't tell anyone, it's a secret.

And the fuck is a ginny goat?

Funny you should mention that. I just this minute received the date for my test. Monday week.

So I did not do salvia last time, and failed. There is only one reasonable conclusion to be drawn.

Twenty Major said...

Give the tester bloke Salvia. Gotcha.

Medbh said...

Very succinct, Gimme.

Ellie said...

I just saw the title now.

gimme a minute said...


Yeah, I heard that there was going to be an award for most succinct post.

Does the 'notes' need a capital 'n'?

It was all in caps on the books.

Ellie said...

It does. Definitely.

Manuel said...

@twenty.....bwahahahaha those were the days....rice krispie buns obviously.....

Love this blog.....great stuff great writing....other peoples pain is the best sort of pain.....

Anonymous said...

Twenty are you riding Gimmie?

Twenty Major said...

No, Nonny. I'm not. But if that changes I'll be sure to let you know.

Conan Drumm said...

Twenty, how do you know when "anonymous" is Nonny?

Twenty Major said...

It's quite long and complicated to explain, Conan. I may drop you an email.

But mostly it was the sheer inanity of the comment that gave it away.

gimme a minute said...

And for that very reason I await your 'Ten Tables of Teachers' with a drooling tongue.

Jog on.

John Mc said...

Who knew there were such hidden depths to the blog! Must go back and re read...

problemchildbride said...

1) Anger's fair enough.

2)Bicycles are by and large a good thing when they aren't killing you.

3)Bridge Crew tales are lovely. My favourite so far's the duck one. Your children are special, it's just that mine are speshuller. The one of mine who used to eat her hair doesn't do that any more - special, huh? Beat that!

4)Self-indulgence is what blogs are for. Everyone knows that.

Got yourself a fine blog going here, Gimme. Happy one year anniversary!

gimme a minute said...

John Mc:
You should do. My posts age like an open can of Royal Dutch.

Thank you, Sam.

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