Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The sawdust and the horses and the smell

Wednesday, June 18, 2008
'I act,' said the gangly youth with confident pride when I asked him why he was so flexible. 'That's why I'm doing this. I want to increase my movement range, become more aware of my body.'

Is that right? You act? We all fucking act, Shane, if that is your real name.

But yeah, I know what you mean, I totally feel you. Because I was you, Shane. I remember when it was all Stanislavski, honing my craft, Alexander Techniquing the crap out of myself. I too created beautiful art in Studio 1 of the Gaiety School of Acting. And I wish you well, Shane, Gimme wishes you well. May your youthful optimism last. May you work consistently and be fulfilled.

And may you never find yourself slumped in a dressing room of The Burnavon in the bigoted cesspit that is Cookstown. May you never stare in the mirror, wondering how it could possibly have gotten to the point where you dread stepping onto the stage. May you never be miscast and undirected, Shane, never feel the nastiness of a company that has turned against you because you are, to be blunt, shit. Let there be no snide, unsolicted notes given in the bar, no cold-shouldering, no sudden lulls in converstion when you enter the Green Room.

And may you never, ever come to an understanding of the vacuousness of your profession, and of all those who populate it. May it never become clear that your choice in the years ahead is one between self-deluding pretentiousness or a profound emptiness that will inevitably make you maudlin and mawkish, bitter and bitchy.

Oh and Shane? Who's your agent? Think she could get me seen for a walk-on in The Tudors?

10 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

redleeroy said...

mixed feelings. first putting a comforting arm around Shane, "follow your dream" but then giving him a sly dig in the back of the head. "shut it" ........wait, shane, i am so sorry, follow your....oh fuck it.

Conan Drumm said...

Yeah, that's it. It's not pretty. All of it. In a nutshell. Curtain.

Twenty Major said...

Break a leg, Shane.


Sniffle&Cry said...

Lest you become the sharpest blogger in the playground

gimme a minute said...

Just so long as he doesn't follow your Boner dream.

I'm not going to be the one to tell him, poor sod.

I broke my ankle (off-stage, drunkenly) during a run of 'Philadelphia, Here i Come!'

I hobbled around the set on an anachronistic set of crutches for a whole week before they replaced me.

Yeah, there's a worthwhile aspiration.

Common Law said...

You were a great actor. Actors are for the most part and to varying degrees self obsessed morons. No place for've only got the self obsession thing.

gimme a minute said...

Common Law:
Shouldn't you be putting out deck chairs on the Titanic?

Medbh said...

Tell him to shut his pie hole.

fatmammycat said...


I feel ya.

gimme a minute said...

Despite having slept on the matter, I am still unsure as to whether you're talking to me about Shane or to Common Law about me.

If it is the former, then I couldn't do it. The poor lad is me, ten years ago.

If the latter, I shut it already.

Nice noise.

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