Tuesday, June 3, 2008

There's nothing pure in this world

Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I can't be any more specific as to what that last post was about because that would be even meaner than it already is and it's already pretty fucking mean.

So let me dish some dirt on the wedding instead.

There is no dirt to dish. Priests are cunts. We knew this. Even if the bride and groom are happy to indulge in all manner of stinking hypocrisy so that they might get hitched in a pretty torture porn emblazoned building (and more power to them, do what you gotta do), don't expect the rest of us to join in your Christing ritual responses. We've moved on from that goobledegook, didn't you know? And seriously dude, it don't matter how many times you say 'Lord have mercy', I'm not going to be saying it back. And while I have you, would you mind shutting the fuck up about Jesus being responsible for the peace process and get on with marrying the lovely couple? Beard Boy is responsible for the peace but not all the maiming and death that went before, you say. The fuck does that work? Don't answer that. Just shut the fuck up and let me start drinking.

The rest of the day passed in a haze of gradual drunkenness, acceptable food, and some low-grade but breathtakingly consistent hostility. Some of us need to grow the fuck up and get over it, if you want my opinion. And if you're here, you do. To misquote the man: 'I don't like it any more than you do.'

But yeah, that was that. But hold up there, because this was this:

We're walking out the door of Mother in Common Law's, having dropped off the Bridge Crew and done the goodbyes, when Data pipes up from the kitchen door.

'Don't forget to marry Daddy!'

Yeah, pretty fucking funny, huh? But when, in unison, we replied, 'What did you say?' the expression on our faces must have been enough to make her change her story. 'Uh, don't forget to dance with Daddy.'

Common Law complied with one of these requests. I'll let you fucking genii work out which one.


Today's Title

20 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

stipes said...

kids are fuckers, when they say what they mean. no respect.

Common Law said...

She's only after the day out and the attention.

Medbh said...

Aw.
Data's adorable.

I'm happy to say that I haven't been to a wedding since 2001.
It was so hot the priest did a speedy 30 minute Mass.

Manuel said...

"some low-grade but breathtakingly consistent hostility"

that. Is. Genius......

and I cant wait until my next family do.....so I can deploy it...

savannah said...

"some low-grade but breathtakingly consistent hostility"
manuel is right, sugar! pure genius.

i have one of those events coming up soon...i'll be sure to find a way to work that sucker into a conversation! (extended family wtf can a person do???) xoxo

gimme a minute said...

Stipes:
Their whole 'not getting a job' thing pisses me right off too.

Common Law:
She's not the only one.

Medbh:
It was pretty hot, for Ireland anyway, but this fucker was in no hurry. He must have had an altar boy with a fan under his cassock.

Manuel:
Fire at will.

Savannah:
Not a whole lot, I find.

problemchildbride said...

specificity is what modern life is allabout.

Now, while i agree that priest are cutns I am too overserved not to be thinking that all not-priests aren't.

Or am i?

Poo and that

gimme a minute said...

Sam:
You're not wrong.

I'm top of the bleughing cunt league today and it's a long time since I've had priestly aspirations.

fatmammycat said...

Wait until she's old enough to complain non stop, roll her eyes at every suggestion and refuse to wear any item of clothing you deem appropriate, then get married.

Ellie said...

I, for one, have gotten over it! I swear.

Conan Drumm said...

Kids can get anxious about non-marital parental status, especially if they're the likes-to-tidy-up-loose-ends type of person.

gimme a minute said...

Fatmammycat:
So she can come to the wedding dressed as a hooker? Good plan.

Ellie:
Good for you.

Conan:
But how anxious about marital status can a three year old really get?

Though I wouldn't be at all surprised if her older, sensitive sister put her up to it.

Either way, they need to get jobs to cover the costs.

fatmammycat said...

I was thinking more disgusted Emo, but hey whatever floats yer boat out to marriage island.

gimme a minute said...

Fatmammycat:
I don't mind the Emo thing, having been one when it was called Goth, so I assume that they'll be going the other way.

fatmammycat said...

Preppy? Gawd like totally help you.

Twenty Major said...

But how anxious about marital status can a three year old really get?

She's probably just thinking of the tax breaks.

gimme a minute said...

Fatmammycat:
He totally fucking won't.

Twenty:
She's focused like that.

Rosie said...

am now imagining you as a goth. thank you for making my day.

gimme a minute said...

Rosie:
It can't have been that much of a stretch...

Rosie said...

perhaps you dressed for the occasion, but you were delightfully clean-cut when we met. i think you might even have been wearing slip-on shoes.

 
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