Tuesday, June 17, 2008

They dance alone or in a big boss line

Tuesday, June 17, 2008
I hate making mashed potatoes. I hate the peeling, hot or cold. I hate the fucking mashing. It's hard. It hurts my little arm, makes my fingers go all crampy. I hate the fucking clean up too. I might as well cook super glue for all the ease with which the potato comes off the pot, whether it's been soaked or not. And it seems to attach to any other piece of cookware within a fucking ninety mile radius too. The taste, while wonderfully buttery and and fluffy and fluttery makes up not one jot for the labour that comes before and after. I fucking hate making fucking mashed potatoes.

I know you want the hate, folks, and that's about all that I hate today.

I know, I know. I think it's the drugs. Love you drugs!

29 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Ellie said...

well that's not about teenagers or cigarette burns!

Medbh said...

Love mashed potatoes.
Have you ever taken a look at the frozen packages in the market?
That's just criminal.

gimme a minute said...

Teenagers? Are we talking about my new drug dealer?

Frozen mashed potatoes? I bet there's no peeling. Bring 'em on.

Kim Ayres said...

I can just see all those little metal aliens laughing at you.

Remember: "For Mash get Smash"

I'm assuming you're old enough to remember...

gimme a minute said...

I know, what was I thinking? That the children possess discerning taste buds?

Ellie said...


Conan Drumm said...

Or as I recall it, for smash get hash...

fatmammycat said...

OH mountains of mash surrounded by moats of baked beans, nom nom. Fortunately I hardly ever cook so I get to enjoy the whole eating process without the whole mashing and peeling joby. I reckon that might just take the shine off it.
I heart the paramour- and his cooking.

Brian said...

I have been reading your blog for the past hour or so. Why are you such a bitter person. You hate this, you hate that, you hate just about everyone. You have two lovely children and all you talk of is hate. Where is the love man. Where is the joy at having a nice family. I do not get it.

dj lance said...

Would you have read for the past hour or so if it had been full of happiness and love? Bitterness and rage is entertaining, particularly Gimme's brand.

I think that little photo of kim ayres is neato, you should do that Gimme.

Rosie said...

i think Brian needs to give someone a hug.

best not hug Gimme though, Brian. he bites.

gimme a minute said...

Missed the second part of your comment.

I am old enough to remember it from Channel 4 clip shows.

Yes, it was very funny. Maybe even caps funny.

It couldn't but improve the flavour.

Lucky lady.

Wanna do wife swap? I'll swap with you obviously.

I save what little love I have for the children.. There's none left for the likes of you.

dj lance:
It took me three days to figure out how to upload the picture that's there.

That's as good as it's going to get.

Like a rabid poodle, I bite.

savannah said...

i quit peeling the potatoes years ago, sugar! nobody even noticed! xoxxo

fatmammycat said...

Savannah! Wait! DId Cate Blanchett have a good Southern accent in The Gift?

gimme a minute said...

I'm almost certain that Common Law would notice if I started attempting to mash potato peel.

Twenty Major said...

You're quite right about mashed potatoes. So delicious but such a fucking pain in the arse to make.

Now when I think about making mash I take half an E instead.

fatmammycat said...

"Now when I think about making mash I take half an E instead."
What do you take when you actually have to make it?

Rosie said...


Sniffle&Cry said...

They won't eat the shit unless you mash it. And the Bisto gravy too Gimme, never forget that. Throw away the bourgeois recipies, kids love goo. Story of my life, getting our littlest to eat stuff, any stuff.

Take the mashing pain, you'll get your reward in fluffy heaven. There is a reward, isn't there!

Manuel said...

You know what's a real fucking shame? Chefs don't peel potatoes anymore......or onions, or carrot sor any fucking veg. They get it them in prepped n all....lazy fuckers......I used to love watching them moan their way through huge bags of spuds.......

camsavwin said...

Am I going to get yelled at if I suggest instant?

savannah said...

fmc...i'm sorry, sugar, i haven't seen that movie! but, bless her heart, given her ability to do a damn good yankee accent, i'll bet she did a damn fine job!

gimme...what you do is you talk about all the nutrients that are in the potato skins! it's true, sugar, i swear! ;-)

Drugs said...

Love you too Gimmie!

gimme a minute said...

Half an E will work many wonders.

Takes the other half?


I made real gravy. I'm such a fucking show off.

I wish I had a gimp to do my prepping.

The wonderful Nigel Slater has me pulling the skins off the potatoes after they're cooked. I burnt my finger, then flicked a bit of steaming spud onto my eyelid.

So now I have an ouchy finger and an ouchy eye. I have two ouchies.

You are not, though it has already been suggested. 'Smash' is the most popular brand on this side of the pond.

Sorry, Siúcra, it just won't fly. I'll just bake the fuckers the next time.

Wanna come over tonight?

John Mc said...

Well don't make them then. Then again I'm a heretic, I don't really like mashed taters. My mother, a wonderful cook was crap at mashed potatoes for some reason.

What drugs, are we talking about here, uppers, downers, psychedelics, narcotics. Got any to spare ?

gimme a minute said...

John Mc:
Common Law cannot live on pasta alone. For some reason.

And nothing performance enhancing anyway, so I would hope that you would have no interest.

drugs said...

Fuck, I can't, sorry I promised 'Sex' that I would kill Amy Winehouse for him. Lt's take a raincheck.

Twenty Major said...


common law said...

I can't believe you get all these comments over a post about potatoes. I add this to your comments because we're unlikely to see each other till Sunday morning.

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