Friday, June 13, 2008

You don't know how to play the game

Friday, June 13, 2008
Oh, these chemical imbalances, this hormonal whorishness. All day I am on the brink of girlish tears. I'm pretty sure it's not the rejection of the Lisbon Treaty, though the waves of anger which I am also experiencing have found a convenient target in the car radio as yet another ignoramus opines that we can 'go back and get a better deal'.

'There is no better fucking deal, you stupid stupid cunt!', I screamed on the toll bridge today. 'There was no conscription, there was no abortion, there was no extra corporate tax. You fuck. You stupid, stupid fuck.'

My window was open, paying my €1.65 as I was. The toll-taker looked more amused than anything else, the 'No' voting prick.

But like I say, I don't think that the tremendous tedium of this result has anything to do with the way that I feel. This way that I feel where every slight slight is a grievous insult, every minor mishap a major crisis. But I believe that I do know what it is about.

It's about a something that is missing, that try as I might, I cannot seem to find. It's an omission, a gap. A gap that has been mostly filled for the last few years by various activities, like training and over-training, drinking and over-drinking, and fake god fucking help me, by bleughing. This gap is growing now, gaping. The fillers are no longer sufficiently filling. My dam against this loss is cracking and I fear that there will be drownings.

So yeah, anyway, what should I call my new bike?

Today's Title

18 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

savannah said...


Twenty Major said...

I had a bike called Pegasus once. It was stolen.

I still pine for Pegasus, my pell-mell Peugeot.

Twenty Major said...

So obviously you should called your bike John.

problemchildbride said...

Crispin. Doo-doo-doo, Crispin the bike, everyone knows his name. It's Crispin the bike!

(To be sung merrily - merrily, Gimme! - to the strains of Rupert The Bear. Without merriness, 'tis nothing, tis nothing at all but a crappy suggestion for a bike name. So then, contrived and tortured Friday merriness from my house to your's, Gims. It can be a smooth, temporary Polyfilla for soul-holes. Also and often, quite as equally as it is, it isn't.)

dj lance said...

How about you just, I don't know, call it a bike?

Rosie said...


you can call it Rosie if you like. again.

mine was called Bastard.

fatmammycat said...

Fucking damn you Major! I was going to suggest John. Way to steal my thunder. next you'll be bandying the word blunderbuss around. Oh wait..

gimme a minute said...

Nice. That'll go in the poll.

Twenty Major:
Pegasus is a super gay name. Was it a super gay bike?

John too, just for it being so imaginative, will go in the poll.

Contrived and tortured worked well for me. Thank you.

Crispin is just going straight in the bin though.

Hug is also a crap name.

Did Twenty steal your word, the thieving gypsy?

Twenty Major said...

It was a very gay bike, gayer than this.

V said...

or this!

Medbh said...

I would go with a male name for balance, Gimme.
What about "the dude"?

Sniffle&Cry said...

How about the uni-killer, maintaining that air of menace.

gimme a minute said...

Twenty & V:
Get a room. Get a big gay room.

He's too skinny. But now I'm thinking Jesus. It's probably a little dodgy to name a bike after a pederast though.

A bit too Seung-Hui Cho?

How about Seung-Hui Cho?

Too soon?

antimatter said...

Sally. Y'know: Ride Sally ride. Or as Roddy Doyle put it Royad Sally royad. You are a Nortsider. No?

Rosie said...

oh yes, Antimatter. you should hear his flah dubbalin accent.


Conan Drumm said...

Spokey the bike...

you know...

'On top of old Spokey
all covered in sweat...'

roosta said...

Sex torpedo.

Also, well said sir.

But yes, Sex Torpedo.

Caro said...

Vespa. There is nothing cooler on two wheels (even if yours is sadly lacking an engine).

I like Spokey too though. Maybe I'm just not very good at this.

◄Design by Pocket