I'm all Topolled to fuck on this Lesbian Treaty shit, folks. On the one hand, on the other hand, on the other hand, on the other hand.
All the crazy cunts want us to vote No. Fucking Cóir. Fucking Shinners. Various extreme nutbags from both right and left.
A wizened hag from Cóir called to my door last week. 'Cor blimey!' I quipped. She was unamused. I thought I best get serious. I told her that I was undecided and asked her why I should vote No. Because Europe are going to make us legalize drugs and abortion, she told me.
'That sounds great. But why should I vote No?'
She wordlessly turned and moved on to the next door neighbour Krauts. Way to fucking argue your case, dude.
Thing is, Europe aren't really going to give me free terminations and it seems senseless to vote one way because a bunch of fruit loops are going the other. And it's not that the political establishment who are telling me to vote Yes aren't cunts. They are. Complete cunts, almost all. (Though not Garret Fitzgerald, I like him because he looks and sounds like my Grandad who was not a cunt). I cannot help but distrust the insular, corrupt and grab all you can as quickly as you can mindset of the Irish political class.
So on the one hand, on the other hand. I should be voting on the facts. But I don't understand the facts. All I know is that I'm pro-Europe. I'd rather be ruled by an army of faceless Belgian bureaucrats that Brian Cowen, Willie O'Dea or even Eamon Gilmore. I'm into the whole United Europe dream. Belgian chocolates are scrummy. So let's get together, nuke up, and head straight for Boston to show those Migrant Micks just who be the boss of this little ol' planet. I hate being Irish, it embarrasses the shit out of me and being European is at least better than being a Yank.
My thoughts are fuzzy, yes, and evidently ill-expressed, but at this point I'm almost certain that I'm going with a 'Yes'. I'd like to hold out on the legal drugs fantasy and as evidenced by my support of Italy in Euro 2008, I do enjoy being on the losing side.
There is no other hand.