Monday, August 11, 2008

Her mind is tiffany-twisted

Monday, August 11, 2008
Common Law likes her television. Likes her television indeed, to the point of happily subscribing to the Homer Simpson philosophy of 'What's on? It doesn't matter...' Which is just as fucking well seeing as in the backwoods of Clare her viewing pleasure was restricted to the arseholey trinity of RTEs One and Two, plus some weird foreign language station populated almost exclusively by inbreds in over- earnest, woolly-jumpered documentaries.

And so it was that Gimme watched Fáilte Towers. Many, many words have already been written about this televisual feast, my favourite combinations of which both come from this weekend's Irish Toss.

Shane Hegarty: 'a voting system that asks the public to decide if autistic children are more or less worthy than cancer victims'.

Donald Clarke: 'Like a moronically catchy Europop tune by Aqua or The Vengaboys, bad reality television has a way of boring into the skull and fastening itself to the cerebellum.'

I agree wholeheartedly with both sentiments. We should have more competition between charities. Egg and spoon races wherein the terminally limbless are pitted against the maniacally depressed. Boxing matches between homeless junkies and abandoned puppies. Scrabble tournaments featuring the dyslexic and the illiterate. Earn your fucking handouts, you lazy cunts.

And I can't but relate to (watch me drop the fuck out of this name, I'll have you know that I once had dinner at his gaff) Donald's description of the addictive nature of complete crap. I'm addicted to lots of crap. Or more accurately, I garner massive amounts of pleasure from much unhealthy, unedifying, unsanitary crap by making use of the convenient excuse of addiction.

I had a whole lot more to write about Fáilte Towers. It was going to be the kind of fucking genius that would have had you charging to your television and detuning all the channels but RTE 1. However, I appear to have contracted some class of flesh-eating virus and I now need to go and lie down.

You're just going to have to take my word for it. Or Darragh's 2,848 words and 25 pictures.

Quantity folks, it's the new quality.

10 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Manuel said...

huzzah for your pleases me.......I have not seen this nightmare of a programme as I live in the dirty north and the protestants wouldn't like it but are they trying to be waiters? that would annoy the shit outta me

Sniffle&Cry said...

Gray days in west Clare alone would wreck your head, add this to the reality TV madness and you have the Board Failte potent cocktail. Fucking excellent Gimme. Addictive it is when there is nothing else, but what about the westerns on you channel that there not speak its name.

redleeroy said...

I flicked past it the other night, the hideous orange face of that unstable mess from your-a-star was grimacing back at me. I turned over to sky news and wept.

Rosie said...

oh Manuel, you'd hate it. i imagine so anyway, i haven't actually watched it. reading about it was punishment enough.

catherine said...

I haven't watched a second of it yet and I still managed to have a nightmare about being in the hotel with Brian Dowling's giant moon face hovering in front of me. *shudder*

Rosie said...

am now going to have nightmares about what Catherine was doing in a hotel with Brian Dowling's moonface hovering in front of her.

gimme a minute said...

They were trying. It was ugly. Elephant Man ugly.

I never came across one.

Not that I would have been able to tear my eyes away from Chris O'Donnell's stellar turn in 'The Bachelor', had I known.

Sky News makes me weep all the time.

I think it's the way they really care about Maddy.

Are you answering my comments now?

Better than Don Baker's. That guy is going to punch someone.

And I'm going to miss it.

You are, aren't you?

Anyway, I was going to say that.

Rosie said...

*sits in the corner like a scolded child*

Caro said...

God it's SUCH a shame RTE have that geoblock on their website because I would totally have spent the weekend catching up on it, it sounds fantastic. Failte Towers? I'm laughing already.

Darragh said...

Just seeing this now. Cheers for the link, sir. Appreciated :-)

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