Sunday, August 3, 2008

These two lanes will take us anywhere

Sunday, August 3, 2008
We're off tomorrow. Road trip, baby. Many questions now pose themselves. Will I be allowed to play 'Thunder Road' for the entire four hours? Just how many times can Data throw up within this short time-frame? And at what point will my 'Are we there yet?' inspired fantasies of steering swiftly over the white line and plowing into an oncoming truck become a shocking reality?

We're going to Clare. There's a beach, some caves and The Burren. I vaguely remember studying The Burren in fourth class geography and failing to buy into the whole 'This is a reeeally interesting place, honest goys!' bit that was being peddled by the uber-trendy teacher who was to subsequently organise an assembly in order that the entire school might listen to The Joshua Tree on the day of its release. Make of that what you will.

So what's The Burren again? Some flat rocks made from citrus fruit? Flora and fauna? Grikes and clints? And given that we're not talking the Eastwood kind here, I am already fucking snoring. I anticipate standing in a visitor's centre learning about rare flowers with approximately the same amount enthusiasm that I normally reserve for the idea of a good sound sounding.

The caves may have proved more interesting, what with the endlessly diverting conversations about whether stalagmites grow up, down or into oddly El Grecan representations of Roisin Ingle's form. And I am reliably informed by some gym randomer that a sudden illumination of one particular section is nothing short of spectacular. I won't get to see this though, as it has been decided that Data might find the experience too frightening and I have volunteered to be the responsible adult who will be taking her for a consolation ice-cream. Although, if she's going to be such a pussy about it, she should be sorting out her own alternative arrangements. What kind of three year old are we raising up here?

Also on offer for Gimme is the inarguably exciting prospect of cleaning up a different collection of rooms, tidying up a whole new mountain of cheap plastic crap and patriarchy pimping children's magazines, and his very, very favourite, washing up a set of dishes never before washed by his expert washing-up hands.

'This holiday is not about you', I have been informed by Common Law.

Again with the deluded.

13 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Medbh said...

There's no way around "patriarchy pimping children's magazines," I'm afraid, Gimme. If you shield them from it, they'll only seek them out more and develop a complex.
Best to break it down for them and explain why the rags are exploitive trash.

Have fun at any rate on holiday.

problemchildbride said...

I drove 8 hours from Minneapolis to Chicago with two good friends once, and had that same "wouldn't it just be easier if we all died?" feeling. One of my pals is a Titan of Whining but we have known him so long our oft-used requests for him to cease his mumpy-assedness are as naught to him. Over the years he has become completely inured to them. So we had 8 hours of whining for car-goodies; huffs about not following the directions he argued for, completely the other way to South Bloody Dakota; screamed back-seat driving and pleas to stop driving for the day at 1pm.

We thought about dropping him off on some dirt track in rural Wisconsin, we discussed it. Unfortunately he is funny as all shit when he's not whining and fucking annoyingly beloved by me and Tom, the other passenger. Goddammed emotions. There was no choice but to live through it. But then we had the lady-parent of all fabulous times in Chicago and that was all right. Til the ride back.

But, you know, I'm sure it won't be that way for you.

Have fun with the family, Gimme - they grow up at such a terrifying pace.

Twenty Major said...

Are you there yet?

fatmammycat said...

Have a good time, I hear Clare is really beautiful.

gimme a minute said...

Interestingly, the tower locking plan would sort out both the magazine and the leering boy issues.

Beloving people is a pain in the tits.

I'm thinking I'm just going to hep them up on Gravol and Krusty's Chewable Morphine.

Them or me. I remain undecided.


And one more word out of you, young man and I'm turning this bleugh around and going back to July.

Where do you hear this? Geography class? I'm pretty sure that they're all fucking lying.

But thanks.

Conan Drumm said...

Fanore beach
Fishcakes and pints in Monks, Ballyvaughan
Tea shops, Ballyvaughan
'Green' road walks
Formoyle and the 'Khyber Pass'
Lemanagh Castle...
Doolin for a trip to Inisheer...

And yeah, Ailwee's overdone.

cross fingies for good weather cos then it's heaven

(if going to Nth Clare head main Galway road to Craughwell, then left for Ardrahan-Kinvara (good place to stop/shop) - Ballyvaughan)

dj lance said...

A helpful hint when spelunking:

stalaGmite (g for GROUND)

stalaCtite (c for CEILING)

Never again be unsure!

And should you see pale, blind, almost humanoid man things creepily creeping about, you should leave with the utmost of haste, me thinks (see movie The Descent for further instruction/helpful hints).

Hope you all have a grand old time, even when you're not.

kiki said...

did rosie re-do your blog?
i don't like the text
get some helvetica or something
this is ridiculous
i can't even (be bothered to) read it

Ellie said...

How about listening to the Doors entire catalogue and banning your travelling companions from even thinking about the lyrics?

Rosie said...

Conan and Kiki are right about the font.


i'll fix it next week. bring me back a stick of rock.

conortje said...

when the tights come down the mites go up :-)

Common Law said...

Conan - Thanks for your tips.
'We' forgot to print or write them out but managed to remember Fanore beach, Fishcakes and pints in Monks, Ballyvaughan Tea shops, Ballyvaughan.
Gimme has been dragged up and down the coast of Clare for the past 5 days!

Conan Drumm said...

Hi CL, glad it panned out, hope you had a bit of sun. It's heaven there with a bit of sun.

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