Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Feeling like a stranger nobody sees

Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Ugly, ugly, ugly. I should fire up thesaurus.com in a King Stephen rebellion and discover other words that I am but I can't do it. My fingers, they're too ugly.

Yes, I have the ever-ballooning bouffant. Roger to the uni-brow. Bang on with the hideously hairy, never to be shifted pot-belly, affirmative with the big arse, short legs, grotesque fat/skinny combination. But it's deeper than that, this ugliness that I have. Oh, how very, very deep this ugly of mine goes.

It's the hate, I suspect, that makes me ugly. Everyday, I hate a little more. Hate me, hate you, hate them. Hate my mental paralysis, my physical failings, my inability to fill up the rule of threes. Born beautiful I was, but like Dahl's Mrs Twit, each date of hate adds, like a banker's bonus, a slight sliver of soul disfigurement, a wafer thin minty layer of ugly,

You'll be assuming folks, and assuming hard, that this is all just another daily dose of shame and self-pity, to be soothed by soft, sweet, comment caressing. And you'd be fucking wrong. Again. My ugly is proud today. He and I strut magnificently about the kitchen, kicking stuffed puppies and popping balloons, finding fault in others and glorying in ourselves. 'Fuck you, cunt!', we scream as we stomp, filled up with life, hating each other, hating ourselves.

18 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Medbh said...

No wonder you're always exhausted.

Rosie said...

yeah. relax.

gimme a minute said...

I'll have you know that I'm full of energy.

It's fucking spin that cat should be doing.

fatmammycat said...

I'm gong to assume you're still period free, in which case my sympathies are short and somewhat pithy. Clearly you are lacking something, I'm going to suggest rum, perhaps laced with more rum.

stipes said...

budget day, innitt?

fatmammycat said...

tax relief for cyclists eh?

Ellie said...


gimme a minute said...

Assume nothing.

Bike breaks and no increase in the rum tax. I just need to stop working to avoid that 1% thingy.

I know you deleted but find the picture somewhere else! Me wants to see!

It id.

It can't all be sweetness and light and dead baby posts you know.

problemchildbride said...

Your rage is a unibrowed thing. That's good though. Quick once over with the tweezers and your rage'll be looking a lot more bibrowed again. Snip snip on the old bouffant i you feel like it and pretty soon, you'll be a lot happier with the way your rage looks.

Then it's time to mollify it, soothe it, beguile it with promises of num num rum in just a little while. Just like fmc said, and I trust her because she's not a doctor.

V said...

would you ever just go out and buy a mask, the rest of us are fed up having to look at you, half the time I don't know whether I'm looking at your arse or your face.

Common Law said...

I was going to say it's all bullshit and really you're gorgeous but I'm laughing too much at V's comment.

gimme a minute said...

You know, I tired that once and it really fucking hurts.

Yeah, I got nothing.

Common Law:
Right, fine, I'm dropping the inner turmoil.

At least for the next hour or so.

Radge said...

Link wouldn't work earlier.


Perhaps not as cuddly as Rosie's example.

gimme a minute said...

I looked up. Couldn't stop myself. Not that I was masturbating. I don't do that while I'm reading my comments. Really.

No, really.

Radge said...


I should probably quit.

Conan Drumm said...

"He and I strut magnificently..."

Three legs between you, and two heads, each as hirsute as the other? And each as contrary, shouting, "I'm the boss of you!" anytime there's a moment's peace? Tis a saint that woman must be!

K8 the Gr8 said...

Fair play to you for embracing the ugly. Somebody has to do it. I get pissed with my ugly on Friday nights and it's all good.

gimme a minute said...

Please, not on my account.

She is that.

It lacks the tenderness of an embrace, I have to say. But such is ugly.

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