Tuesday, October 21, 2008

With abandonment and love

Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The last time I made risotto, nobody ate it and so I made the calm and rational decision to throw the most massive of internal and bleughy strops. Fun! Fun for all!

It turned out that the reason Common Law didn't have any dinner that night was that she had pneumonia and a collapsed lung. Excuses, ex-fucking-cuses, right? Not my finest moment. I am just a little self-absorbed, it must be said. In fact, any day now I'm going to absorb so far into myself that all that will remain is a little toxic puddle of self-pity, globbing gently upon the kitchen floor. They can use it to make the soffitto.

But I've done better since, and more occasionally, done worse.

Therefore tonight, so many months later, I'm going to go at it again. I've already pre-cooked the chicken and mushrooms and when we get back from swimming lessons, I'll be chopping, warming and preparing to ladle and stir, ladle and stir, until creamy perfection is reached.

Maybe the Bridge Crew will spurn it once again, or perhaps my cunning plan of not allowing them eat anything between now and dinner time shall come to fruition. I have, of course, no such control over Common Law's intake, but I can only hope for the best. Hope that she hasn't re-contracted pneumonia or some other, even more exotic and life-threatening ailment. Hope that she remembers how much she used to like risotto back in the pre-pneumatic days. Hope, most of all, that I don't fuck it up and serve up some inedible mush.

Because I really don't think that I can live a life without risotto.

Today's Title

16 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Radge said...

I've never had risotto. Can I continue to post comments on your blog or is this the end for us? I'll understand.

problemchildbride said...

Never could like risotto that much. Too gooey, too clumpy, too gismy. Too much like thinking you're having rice pudding and realizing it's salty and there's a mushroom, look?

Also, it's a bugger to clean off a risotto pan.

I like my rice grains free and separate from one another, like South American countries or breasts just released from a Wonderbra.

problemchildbride said...

I'm sorry, I have no idea where that came from.

Twenty Major said...

Too gooey, too clumpy, too gismy.

100% correct.

For me life without risotto would just like life without Bob Dylan which would be just like Baby Bear's porridge - just right.

gimme a minute said...

I'm going to have to do me a little soul-searching on that one, dude.

I'll get back to you.

You see, I despise rice pudding. It's like having risotto and realizing it tastes of Kentish school dinners and my parents' divorce.

Twenty Major:
You're beginning to get the look of a big Dylan despising troll about you.

Let go of your fear. Embrace the Bob.

Conan Drumm said...

Me likey risotto, muchy, but sans mushrooms. And a bit of parmesan (sp?) on top is just num num. And it's fab as a cold savoury snack out of the fridge the following day.

So... how did it go?

redleeroy said...

I don't get it. it is soggy warm rice. It looks not that disimilar to cat-sick. But none the less when someone puts it in front of me. I smile, nod and do my eating duty.


Medbh said...

Risotto seems like a wasted effort.
Just like Bob Dylan and all that hippie shit you listen to, Gimme.

Manuel said...

better risotto than polenta.....double fucking bleurgh to polenta.....

fatmammycat said...

Seafood risotto is delicious, Bob not so much.

gimme a minute said...

I made me sick to my very stomach, leaving a taste in my mouth that I will struggle to shift.

Nice picture.

Stop sneaking into my house.

GZA's not going to be happy when he hears that you called him a hippy. No siree.

I'm with you. I had very, very bad polenta once. I never went back.

What is it, have a go at Bob week?

I won't change you know. My love is pure.

fatmammycat said...

I won't try to mess with your bobular affections, I liked 'Hurricane'.

* shrugs, wanders off to ponder Tom Dunne.

Sniffle&Cry said...

Self-absorbtion? Has Gimme hise self become part of the risotto cooking process. It slurps up stuff, doesn't it?

I once advised on this blog to use Bisto on everything. Sounds like the risotto could use it as well.

Caro said...

I love risotto. The begrudgers just don't know how to make it properly.

I love Bob too.

But I'm with Manuel on the polenta. Pointless goo.

V said...

It's always perfect when I make it obviously. Bit of a waste of time though.

gimme a minute said...

Good. But be careful of that pondering.

You're the Irish Gordon Ramsey, you know that?

'Fucking fuck Bisto on it! You fuck! I don't care if it's fucking strawberries, put the fucking Bisto on!'

We find ourselves in agreement on all counts.

See everyone? See?

Says the current world time-wasting champion.

At least you get food at the end of it.

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