Sunday, October 12, 2008

Your days are numbered, so are mine

Sunday, October 12, 2008
As I drivingly (I know, I know, shut the fuck up) approached the Talbot Memorial Bridge on my merry way to work this morning, I came to the realisation that people over the age of, say 75 should be, if not taken out and shot, then certainly not permitted to propel motorised hunks of metal. A little old lady, piloting a little old car, changed lanes suddenly and with all the drama of a Euripidean tragedy. I know not if Alcestis signalled her decision to die in place of her good-for-nothing kingly spouse, but this elderly chick certainly made no indication of her intentions as she cuttingly took on the role of Admetus in this little Grecian scenario.

From my subsequent and brief post horn-blaring, minor stroke-having glance, I gleaned that this woman was ninety if she was a fucking millisecond and barely capable of peering over the steering wheel, such was her littleness. And just like everyone's favouritest obscure deal-making king, her driving spoke clearly of her search for an innocent to die in her place. Yet this playlet seemed unlike to finish with Heracles kickng the shit out of Death and returning me veiled and voiceless to live out my natural life.

You don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, do you?

And I don't fucking care. I'm alarmingly alive, and in that kind of elitist, showy-offy mood.

14 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

francis mahon said...

I hear you, loud and clear.

I was somewhat more unfortunate that my great smoke-belching chariot did not survive it's meeting with Methuselah's mother...

Medbh said...

Old folks will never have their driving privileges cut off because they all vote. Some ancient dude in a pickup cut me off walking the pups today when I had the light, oh but he waved at me, so it's fine. I should be grateful that he didn't simply run us over.

kiki said...

all old people need to be put into child care. not to be taken care of, but to straighten the fuck out of today's youth.

but i do know what you're talking about. there are the occasional exceptions to the rule, but not often.

fatmammycat said...

When I'm old I'm going to drive a Honda Goldwing with the music blaring- it's what old folk should do.

Rosie said...

nonsense, wicked King Cheops is my favouritest obscure deal-making king.

i see my death in the whites of the eyes of skittish learner drivers.

gimme a minute said...


Sorry to hear that. I'm beginning to think that ever leaving the house is my most consistent error.

Oh yes, waving makes it all better. Miss Admetus just peered rigidly ahead. No mirror glancing for her.

I am being aggressively ageist. I feel a pang of remorse.

The teeniest, weeniest pang.

You should get one with barely functioning brakes. Bring you back to your youth.

Are you calling me skittish?

Conan Drumm said...

I know what's bothering you. It's because she being the protagonist in the drama consigned you to a place in the chorus.

gimme a minute said...

If you're going to continue with this level of insight, I might have to ask you to take your commenting elsewhere.

Conan Drumm said...

Sorry, must be my misspent youth as a paterless hacktor coming through.

V said...

So if Roger Mellie did classics he would sound like you. You should send that one in to 'History Ireland’, it's about time they had some profanity filled commentary to jazz it up a bit.

gimme a minute said...

Hopefully this means my hair will end up like yours.

Or I could make a play of it. Or do nothing. I'm good at doing nothing.

Caro said...

Pot, let me introduce you to kettle.

I'm banned now, aren't I?

gimme a minute said...

Genius. I am so glad that you're late to this and that nobody else will notice.

I would like to point out that I indicated. It's a not much of a defence but it's all I got.

And yes, you're totally banned.

Rosie said...

il mio Caro. hilarious.

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