Tuesday, November 11, 2008

What starts out weak might get too strong if you can't tell foul from fair

Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Rugby players didn't used to look like they do today. Way back, I'm talking about, when potential scrum backs and full flankers weren't pumped full of creatine, HGH and a preposterous work ethic from the age of four. When the sexy sounds of the non-stammering Nigel Starmer Smyth used fill my Sunday afternoons, rugger buggers would come in all shapes and sizes. Those front guys were predominately fat and wheezing and the take me from behind types were mostly slim and fleet of foot, but there was room in the ugly game for every physical creed. These days they all look like fucking He Man characters. The ones that are having their testicles fondled resemble the neckless Man at Arms and the rest of them look like, well, Prince Adam himself. Were there other characters in He Man? Apart from Skeletor and that cowardly green lion guy?

Anyways.

In contrast, today's filthy rich criminal class, (I cannot speak on the scum of yore, shielded as I was by wealth and power) are committed to one of two physical types. The scrawny skinny little cunt look or the dripping with globules of greasy fat fashion. Both classes are pale, acne-encased and sickly looking, unlike their glowing with good food and barely legal drugs, meathead counterparts.

It's not purely shape-based either, this contrast. Athletes walk tall, abdominals engaged, drug dealers slouch, limbs akimbo. One struts, the other sidles. Grunting on the hand, snarlingon the foot.

Can anyone guess where I'm going with this?

You'll get righteous rage and delusional demands for solutions elsewhere. Here on Stranded, the main question raised by the shooting of the unfortunate Shane Geoghegan in Limerick is 'How the fuck do you mistake a rugby player for a scumbag?'

8 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Conan Drumm said...

I assume the tabloids will oblige you with side-by-side photos of the intended and unintended victims. They won't attempt to match the lighting at 4am, however.

Twenty Major said...

Could be they just felt like shooting someone. Anyone.

Medbh said...

I'm guessing it was a case of the beer goggles. Instead of being drunk and horny they were full of bloodlust.

gimme a minute said...

Conan:
It's my latest ruse. I already have job offers from The Sun.

Twenty Major:
Let's face it, if there were rugby players wandering around Liberty City, I'd be having a crack at them.

Medbh:
They seem fairly sure that it was a gang hit gone wrong. They being the tabloids and the omniscient pigs.

Now there's a fucking band name.

Hi, I'm Gimme, lead singer of The Omniscient Pigs.

fatmammycat said...

Poor poor man, the Spaniard has it right when she says 'The criminals here are a estupid eshits.'

red leeroy said...

some sort of undercover illegal steroid buy gone wrong?

stipes said...

as a sportsman, he was probably wearing the uniform of scumbags.........the fucking tracksuit

gimme a minute said...

Fatmammycat:
Dying has to suck. Dying at the hands of scumbag idiots just that little bit more.

Red Leeroy:
Ooooh. Nice.

Stipes:
That's the most convincing argument yet. Particularly if he forgot to leave the top at home.

 
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