Monday, December 15, 2008

Now the frosty paws appear and they've frozen up my ear

Monday, December 15, 2008
I have been forced squrimingly from my comfortable drowning in that most Death On of Egyptian rivers. I was faking waving, motherfucker, unhand me! But no. The rotting corpse in the corner has been vomited on by soused seasonal spirit. Some presents have been bought. Socky is on The Den, pushing the Jebus angle to Data . There's no denying it. It's fucking Christmas. Again.

The Scroogey, Grinchy, Cantankerous Cunt pose that I have been maintaining for the last twenty years may be getting a little old. Perhaps this year, I should drop the facade and wholearmedly embrace Christmas and its fat torso of faux jollity and being all about the children and aren't twinkling lights just the greatest fucking thing ever. I could do that, sure I could. I could do that, if I could also start drinking and doing drugs as soon as I awoke each morning, if I could get presents that aren't Simpsons slippers every day between now and the 25th, if I could have my brain and my heart and my very soul ripped out and replaced with those of one of those cheery cunts who actually does like Christmas, who isn't just faking it like the rest of us, then for sure, I could do that.

But I'm not going to. Because I don't believe in it. I don't mean Christmas. It's hard not to believe in Christmas such is its unrelenting ubiquity. But merriness, good cheer, happiness generally. They are a load of bollox, all three, and I refuse to buy into them. Maybe you think you're merry, of good cheer, happy. Well, you're fucking wrong. Think about it for a second. Think about your shattered dreams, your unfulfilled promise, the endless trudge and drudge of your life.

There you go. Now have a Merry Christmas.

13 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Conan Drumm said...

That's it, keep buggering the hums and blurting the bahs. Makes the rest of us feel positively festive... la la la la, la la la la, trol lol lol... la, la-la la laaaa.

gimme a minute said...

Yeah, yeah. Tell it to Santa, Cheerboy.

stipes said...

thank you, I will

the minister said...

Sounds like somebody's got a case of the mondays.

Radge said...

It's when he gets a case of the Fridays that we need to start worrying...

savannah said...

you're right, sugar! it's fucking humbug and a goddamn shame against humanity....can i have your christmas presents? xoxxo

gimme a minute said...

That's what you think. And you'll probably think that you're having one. And you'll probably be fairly sure afterwards that merriness abounded throughout the season.

May the veil never be lifted from your eyes.

The Minister:
Who? You?

I've got a case of the days ending in 'y'.

Your safe. Friday, I'm in love.


I gotta get something apart from mountains of good food, the warmth of my family and all day drinking out of this pile of shit.

Manuel said...

my aren't we the king of the darkside......

The Hangar Queen said...

Yes he is.As is proper and right.

I'll be your wingwoman when we drop napalm on the whole fucking lot of it.

"Deck the halls with parts of Charlie tra la la la "

gimme a minute said...

Are we? I thought you were full of the cheer of acceptable tips and flashing tits.

Oh, you mean me.

The Hangar Queen:
Where have you been all my life?

'Tower, this is Ghost Rider requesting a fly-by.'

Red Leeroy said...

That's a negative Ghost rider, the pattern is full.

The Hangar Queen said...

'Negative,Ghost Rider the pattern is full'

of flying fucking reindeer.Bastards!

gimme a minute said...

Red Leeroy:

The Hangar Queen:
Nothing a couple BVR AAMs wouldn't fix.

◄Design by Pocket