Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I wonder what they'll do about the oak tree swing

Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The most recent addition to the gym's personal training staff appears to be not talking to me, to have not taken to me. I genuinely do not know what this is about. She covered a class for me even before we met in person and I was my usual breathtakingly charming self on the telephone. I even used my Voice. My Voice, I firmly believe, is my greatest, my sexiest attribute, and when you've got cheekbones like mine that is saying some serious shit.

And then we met, this PT and me, had a brief discussion on how the class had gone and went our separate ways.

And now she blanks me. Blanks me like Wogan, Dawson and Savage going at it hardcore atop the Blankety Blank set. I just don't get it. Really. Did I fall into one of my inadvertently racist rants? (She is American and not entirely Caucasian) Did she hear me slagging off her name? (Her name is Mimi, which is not a name for a grown woman, American or not) Or does she just fucking fancy me?

It's gotta be the last one, huh? Either way, I'm totally going to confront her as such a confrontation can only lead to hilariousness and yet another you've only got four minutes to post a post, post.

20 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Sarah Gostrangely said...

She defo wants to ride you.

It's obvious. Pure Austen.

Twenty Major said...

Perhaps you should try and break the ice with a gift basket of fried chicken while dressed a minstrel.

Ellie said...

I'll never get over the fact that I didn't get the cheekbones.

Conan Drumm said...

You unleashed 'the voice', did you?

Were you not told that this was your 'special power' as an aktor, and must never be abused?

Now you will have to go on a quest and fight Mimis in order to regain your vocal chastity.

Rosie said...

yes, what Sarah said. proceed as per Twenty's advice.

gimme a minute said...

Sarah Gostrangely:
That's what I think. Of course sometimes people acting like you're an arrogant, obnoxious cunt is mostly to do with them thinking that you're an arrogant, obnoxious cunt.

Twenty Major:
I like your thinking, but in this case perhaps my going 'Me so solly! Me so solly!' would be more effective.

Let's just add that to the list of facts you won't get over.

Oh, I'm terrible, I use it all the time.

Of course, I have a picture of ragged and ravaged vocal chords in my attic.

So your comment is a combination of Sarah's and Twenty's?

My reply is the same. Except with my replies.

Ellie said...

I hope you are maintaining said list with the appropriate care and attention.

B said...

you should do what rosie said and combine it with sarah and twenty's.

More importantly though, Terry Wogan presented Blankety Blank?

Twenty Major said...

Terry Wogan made Blankety Blank.

I bet you told one of your 'So this oriental walks into a bar ...' jokes a little too loudly, Gimme.

fatmammycat said...

She's probably jealous of your baby arse skin.

gimme a minute said...

What am I, your external hard drive?

Dude, you are seriously showing your age.

What Twenty said.

Carpets are Oriental, Twenty, people are Asian.

But yes, that's probably what happened.

gimme a minute said...

That was all so sweet until the word 'arse'.

Red Leeroy said...

a nice silver chequebook and pen should seal the deal.

Anonymous said...

The ideal way to say 'solly' is with pizza.

Medbh said...

You actors always want to be loved by everyone.

Twenty Major said...

A whole pack of Jean Genie's, Medbh.

gimme a minute said...

Red Leeroy:
Can you get them on ebay? What do they go for? I would really, really like to own one.

And to have somebody living with me who would sing 'Super match game, super match game, super match game!' on request.

I want so much.

How confusingly multi-cultural of you.

Or just not to be rudely dismissed.

Nah, you're right.

Love me, love me!

Twenty Major:
Can it, Major Tom.

Medbh said...

"Major Tom:"

Love it.

Anonymous said...

But your voice is kind of weedy and well...underwhelming

gimme a minute said...

This made me laugh out loud. Resonantly.

Seriously, you may as well accuse me of having brown eyes.

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