Friday, January 9, 2009

Long Jimmy Lee

Friday, January 9, 2009
I bet you have yet to tackle a rightly ripe avocado. Always over or under, one way or another. Not that they aren't incredibly tasty either way for a couple of happy days. But there must be a sliver of a second, an infinitesimal moment where perfect ripeness is reached.

And so to the meat:

If your avocado is under-ripe I'm guessing that you peel it with a potato peeler. Over-ripe? You use a knife to crack a little section open and then remove bit by bit with my fingers. Right? Uh-uh. Wrong. Mister, Lady, you got that shit all messed up.

'Fucking guacamole' is how I opened the chat that led to this latest in a long line of learnings. Whatshername over at whatsitcalled was the chattee, and she wanted to know what the huge fucking deal was. I explained. 'What a pain to peel these prisons of pulp!' Or words to that effect. There was some internet silence. Then the Spanish one patiently explained the cutting in half, the stone-removing, the scooping. The simple and tidy freeing of the fruit. And then she did a lot of fucking laughing.

The bint.

I would rather have continued happily in my awkward messy ignorance than have had my occasional avocado peeling simplified and my idiocy so frightfully exposed.

27 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

savannah said...

change is the operative word for 2009, sugar.




*snickering*

Conan Drumm said...

I must have a Spanish gene... cut in half, take out the stone... oh look a ready-made little hollow to pour a drop of balsamic into, teaspoon... and f-all to wash up.

Twenty Major said...

Avocado is the most pointless food on earth. It tastes of nothing.

Although I'm sure the stones would make fine ammunition for a catapult with which to take revenge on those who would laugh at your methods.

Rosie said...

i'd forgotten.

and they say that you can't teach your granny to suck eggs.

gimme a minute said...

Savannah:
Looking forward to seeing your Changemeister addressing Middle Eastern injustice.



*snickering right back at you*

Conan:
That'll be tonight's dinner then. Krauts still haven't gotten the dishwasher fixed.

Twenty Major:
Like celery tastes of nothing? Like lettuce?

You people.

Rosie:
I never understood that expression. Am I your granny in this scenario?

Twenty Major said...

Celery tastes of celery, lettuce tastes of lettuce, avocado tastes of nothing

Rosie said...

you're the elder lemon, yes.

Radge said...

I almost died after eating guacamole once. Funny story, actually.

Twenty Major said...

Did it have anything to do with the guacamole?

gimme a minute said...

Twenty:
It tastes of chicken. Like human.

Rosie:
Eggs? Lemons? Are we making pancakes?

Radge:
How funny? Out of ten say?

V said...

Celery tastes like dingleberries. Disgusting!

gimme a minute said...

V:
Dingleberries are yet another euphemism, aren't they? I don't want to know how you know what dingleberries taste like.

Hang on, am I thinking of dangleberries?

V said...

You and your North Americanisms, why don't you take your 'truck' to the 'drug store' to buy some 'soda' for the 'fall'. 'Period'!

Christ!

..the reason why I know what they taste like is from the days of waiting for the #7 bus into town, where starvation would occur due to the long waiting times thus forcing you into eating your own or someone else's.

Pyjamas Cat said...

A post about cutting Avocados... 13 comments (now 14)

If only keyboards could be engineered to emit electric shocks...

gimme a minute said...

V:
Seriously, the fuck are talking about?

Pyjamas Cat:
If you're not part of the solution...

And it's early days. Check this out. Twenty-nine comments on mash.

Disco.

stipes said...

@cats PJs
and who would gain from all this electric shock treatment?
(now 15)

gimme a minute said...

Stipes:
I know you weren't talking to me, dude, but that was 16 right there.

17 now.

Conan Drumm said...

17, you could sing that.

18

Radge said...

Two. I won't bother.

gimme a minute said...

Conan:
You get points for flagrancy.

And fragrancy too, why not?

Radge:
Aaaww.

Oh well, another comment, I guess.

V said...

PJ, that assumption is based on the fact that you think anyone commenting here has anything better to be doing.

Medbh said...

Ambrosia of the gods, the avocado.
It's nature's butter.

Radge said...

Upon reflection, three. Not even bloggable.

Radge said...

Just realised I already re-commented. I was very drunk t'other night. Sakes. Fuck am I talking about?

gimme a minute said...

V:
Don't diss the Johns and Janes, dude.

High-flying go-getters to a man and a woman, my commentariat.

Medbh:
Isn't butter nature's butter?

Radge:
Interesting that you judged the anecdote to be better when you were sober. Normally the other way around.

Either way, I appreciate the push towards the magic thirty.

Pyjamas Cat said...

I don't like avocados.

gimme a minute said...

Pyjamas Cat:
I suspected that you had strong feelings one way or the other.

 
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