Wednesday, January 7, 2009

One of these days I gotta get myself organizized

Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Here's my big concern, shouted from another evening past. I do not know how child prostitutes dress. The only child prostitute I've ever come across is the fictional Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver. I'm not, for so very many reasons, about to enter 'child prostitute' into google's image search...

Ever start a paragraph, get a couple of sentences in, and realise that there is no way to bring it to a happy, hilarious or even vaguely acceptable conclusion? Best thing to do is just delete the whole fucking thing and start again without the kiddy hooker hook. Better still ditch the whole post. It's all wrong and there's no way to make it right.

It's Riker's night-time attire that has me in this mess. It's essentially Foster's Taxi Driver get-up, minus the hat. She was wearing her new much adored Ugg slippers when she stood in the bathroom last night brushing her teeth and protruding her ten year old tummy as she critically assessed herself in the mirror. I was reading Data's stories and the first born, I assume, was unaware that she was in my eye line as she tilted one hip in a horribly grown-up manner, doing the Three Puhs: Posing and Pouting and Preening. She's not even ten, though I have been describing her as such for some time now in order to soften the double-digit blow which is due in mid-February. Nine she is, and already at the mirror in the bathroom, trying to be not nine, trying, in fact, to be sexy. Maybe I'm paranoid, maybe I'm sick, but I believe that I know it when I see it. Because I do them myself, all the fucking time, those Three Puhs. Oh, how I Preen.

She has to grow up, I know, I know. But why does she have to? And why now? And why in front of me?

15 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Radge said...

Bra and, indeed, vo. Gold.

As an aside, ever started writing a comment and realised suddenly that your first word could be misconstrued entirely?

One day a real rain's gonna come and wash me off these streets...

Medbh said...

The scary part is that what Jodie wore is actually kind of tame by today's standards. They didn't make thongs for little girls in 1976.
Back to the nightly readings of the S.C.U.M. Manifesto, Gimme.

fatmammycat said...

Oh Gimmie, there's nothing you can do. Try not to let her wear Uggs outside the home and don't let her get any piercings or ankle anks. Other than that I'm afraid you're just going to have to start clenching your jaw and glaring a lot. At boys.

Conan Drumm said...

Hey, whether she's six, sixteen or twenty-six, or a mother of two at whatever age, she'll always be your daughter.

And as for the mirror posing, there's nothing to beat the late Roy Sheider in All That Jazz... "It's showtime!"

Conan Drumm said...

That should be Sheider with a c.

gimme a minute said...

I have done that. But not as cleverly.

All together now: 'Life in this society being, at best, an utter bore...'

I could lock her in a tower. Or the shed. With the trough.


That's the shark one, right?

Andrew said...

Fuck, this is probably not the right platform at all for that joke about showering with an eight-year old that I was going to share with everyone.


gimme a minute said...

Let us know when you find that platform.

Or, you know, don't.

V said...

You can have a long barreled shotgun in your home. Just make sure you are always polishing it when she brings friends home (to get the message out there properly).

Gav said...

My plan is to dress like a slutty teen myself so that my daughter will rebel against me and the Pussy Cat Dolls.

Anonymous said...

She's a little young to be growing up. Nine going on ten is still nine going on ten. That's scary stuff to witness.

Take comfort that she's not trying to be sexy in the way you or I try to be sexy. She's only nine. She's trying to be "SEXY" as it's marketed to today's youth. Sexy without the knowledge, the intent, the looking for a result.

It's desensitised. Sexy with the sexy removed. Or the sensual at any rate. It's not a state of mind or arousal, but a new hair style or cool shoes.

Hm. Maybe there is no comfort to be had. I'm sorry. You're in for a life of hell.

Rosie said...

go with Gav's plan, it's a winner.

and maybe post some photos.

gimme a minute said...

I do give good polish.

Genius. That ought not scar her at all.

In for? In the future?

You're new to this site, I take it.

I'll leave the photo bit to you, I think.

Sarah Gostrangely said...

great post gimme. and bloody terrifying. good luck with that.

gimme a minute said...

Sarah Gostrangely:
Thank you.

I am appropriately terrified.

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