Monday, January 26, 2009

We're the poison in your human machine

Monday, January 26, 2009
Oh Finbar. Finbar, Finber, Finbar. What the finbar have you done?

I quite like my dad. I really do. I could give you lots of reasons why I shouldn't, and you'd be unlikely to blame me if I was to despise the very ground he walked on. You might try to talk me out of it, a little, but you'd understand, I'm sure of it.

We got a cheese photo in the electronic post just before Christmas, of the entire Away Team (father plus second family) all made up in maple leaves, symbolically mounted by Mounties, if you will. Grinning hugely, the lot of them, all officially Canadian at long last. I was happy for them. Better than being Irish for sure. Certainly better than being English, as my stepmother Janice has been for too many a long year. Canadan, that's okay, right? Harmless enough, like. And who knows, maybe one of these days they'll sharpen up their ice skates and invade the fuck out of the US, providing us all with a big laugh.

Let me just point out the one more upside here before it all turns horribly sour. I think this might mean that I can be a Canadian too. It will certainly ease my passage into the Canuck world should I ever decide that I cannot take even one more day of this hideous, apologetic, back-stabbing Irishness.

Oh, but Finbar, what have you done? I read the truth in Saturday's Irish Toss. To become a Canadian citizen one must take an oath. One must pledge, as it would appear that my father has done 'to be faithful and bear true allegiance to her majesty queen Elizabeth the second queen of Canada, her heirs and successors.'

Oh Lordy.

'It's just words!' you cry.

'It doesn't necessarily mean that your paternal parent is falling down and licking the boots of an institution that stands for the mass murder of the Irish people, institutionalized racism and just being a pack of inbred, pointless cunts!' you howl.

Cry away. Howl on. I still feel dirty, dirtied.

13 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Twenty Major said...

It's in your DNA now, there simply is nothing you can do about it.

You'll have to go shopping for some new home furnishings.

Chin up, old boy.

Radge said...

Ouch. I hope this doesn't cause you to become polite, stoic and stiffupperlipped.

Conan Drumm said...

He crossed his fingers behind his back, didn't he?

Ellie said...

Oh dear.

Twenty Major said...

Fear not, Gimme, your garden parties shall become the very talk of Northside society life.

gimmeaminute said...

You're enjoying this a little too much.

Not much chance of that. Gimme don't do stoicism.

Let's fucking hope so.

That's right, by proxy Britlander.

stipes said...

"Brits Out" poster removed from back window of the purple thingy?

Sniffle and Cry said...

Hey, you'll have team to support in Sth. Africa! You commonwealthers stick together under the butcher's apron ?

Medbh said...

Yep, it's awful.
When I first heard mention of the oath last year, I knew we'd never become citizens here.

gimme a minute said...

I'm not the bumper sticker type.

Though I've yet to see one that says: 'My other car is a bicycle'.

Yeah, there's an upside. I'll be down to Limerick to oppress you in a minute.

I'm very glad to hear it. But don't you have to swear loyalty to your inanimate piece of cloth before you go to bed each night?

The Hangar Queen said...

I'll bet you were all miffed at Aretha for fucking up 'your' tune last week.

Manuel said...

I do like the idea of you with a brits out sticker on your car......makes me giggle.... still tough times for you old chum, tough times. It's like finding out your wife or girlfriend secretly supports cittteee or has kaiser chiefs on her iPod........ shameful

gimme a minute said...

The Hangar Queen:
Not as 'miffed' as I was about Obama not giving a shout out to by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.

The big fucking racist.

Well, at least I'm not riding my da.

That came out wrong.

So did that.

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