Friday, February 27, 2009

Back to the kitchen sink

Friday, February 27, 2009
Turns out that I'm contractually obliged to follow every non-work related real life people meeting with a lengthy pity-fest about how unlikeable, socially inept and down-right fucking weird I am. And so I renege on another contract, break another promise. Because I think I'm getting better, less mumbly surely, not quite as awkward, occasionally capable of maintaining an unstilted conversation with a complete stranger. Yes indeed, careful, careful, lest I make friends. But hold your jeers at even this modest muttering makeover, folks, because there's a flip side.

Last night's cycle home afforded me the wind-blown time to get straight in my head just what it is that I have replaced painful shyness with. The answer came as I peed fully frontal in a sea front bush. Pomposity, people, I have attained perfect pomposity. The accent and bearing have given me a head start, but I've taken that affected ball and run with it and am now well on my way to David Norris levels of magniloquence.

Still, at least nobody punched me in the face goodbye.

15 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Radge said...

Would it offend you terribly if I told you I thought you civil and uncuntish during our brief meeting way back when?

Thought it might.

The Hangar Queen said...

I thought you were quite lovely when I met you last year.
You hide your true colours very well.

Rosie said...

i thought you were a prat, eating my bacon fries and laughing at my jokes.

or something.

gimme a minute said...

Don't make me close the comments people.

And can it, Punchee.

problemchildbride said...

Pomp and cyclingstance. Why not? Life is short. It could be the new lifestyle trend.

Conan Drumm said...


What is that, do you know? Put us on a 'stage' stage and we get out the old mercury charm and work the entire room.

catherine said...

Magniloquence. Now there's a good word.

(and I'd forgotten about the punching bit... heh)

Sassy Sundry said...

Peeing outside is good for the soul.

savannah said...


i read the words.

i know what the words mean.

i am still never quite sure what the hell you are talking about.

but it is okay, i can handle it. i am southern, no one ever knows what the hell i'm talking about. xoxox

Sarah Gostrangely said...

I didn't think you were pompous Gimme.

Fucking weird though*.

*This is a joke. I'm not good at jokes.

fatmammycat said...

I don't have the words available to me to describe how you come across in public, not right now, not while I bask in the first fucking glow of the week, thank YOU Non Memnoch and your 'rounds for time' Plus I'd ruin this blog. And we can't have that.

grimsaburger said...

I, for one, look forward to meeting you and being thoroughly put off by your assholery one day.

Andrew said...

Well, I thought about punching you.

But, like, you're not from Cork.

stipes said...

I hope not

Red Leeroy said...

does bearing really count?

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