Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I am so fucking prescited

Wednesday, February 11, 2009
You know what? I really like Aaron Gavin. I stalk him on Twitter. He doesn't follow me back though and I think I know why. If, when I began to follow him, he came by and checked out this here section of the Great Gaia Ganglia, then he'll have moved away again pretty quick, not shocked, because nothing is shocking any more, but saddened, and filled with pity. By the language, by the subject matter, by the style.

Aaron is a Proper Christian. He's on the pastoral staff of a church in Minneapolis these last twenty years and soon he'll be a church planter. I'm not sure how you plant a church but I bet it involves a pretty big hole. Thing is, I think he's a proper Christian too. You know, a follower of Christ and his teachings as opposed to someone who just fucking hates queers, and women, and sand niggers.

Aaron has kids. Two boys, or is it three? I should pay more attention. He's a great dad, I can tell you that much. Always doing stuff with them. Coaching their basketball team. Taking them to basketball, watching them play basketball, and fucking nightmare of nightmares, keeping score at basketball. I would totally fuck that shit up. And cheat too. Fuck it up and cheat. Aaron does not fuck it up. And I don't think cheating would even occur to him.

He's a good husband too, you can tell. Speaks respectfully of his wife. Seems like he's still a little in awe of his luck. He spent four fucking hours shopping with her for a dress last weekend. This is a man of great patience.

I like him. I respect him. I even respect his beliefs, mostly. Clearly I can take or leave the Santa Claus fairy crap. But the important stuff, the love and the humility and the living for your fellow man, now that is some good shit, and the most Dawkins of you fucking knows it. Of course, I am totally shit at all that. I think only of myself, normally with emphasis on how great I am, all the while avoiding my fellow man to the best of my abilities.

The perfect hilarious ending presented itself there. 'I am so going to Hell.' That was it. But it doesn't really work, does it? Because there is no Hell unless it's here on Earth and me and Aaron are both going to finish our jobs as DNA rickshaws and go back to where we came from. Back to the dust. And who's going to have been the happiest?

Aaron, right?

Can we feel Gimme's Pauline conversion coming on, folks? It's going to be a long boring, boring ride.



Twits can follow Aaron here.

15 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Medbh said...

"DNA rickshaws": love it.

Don't get too sappy over the jeebus freaks, Gimme.

Conan Drumm said...

If the Jays only got hold of you at age 12 or 13 you stand a chance. Any earlier and you're overdue that fall off yer horse.

spot on said...

You're a shit atheist gimme. But you'd be a shit christian too. I say that as a consolation, not to hurt. The difference between you and this god-boy ain't belief in yer-man-upstairs, it's much deeper than that. Some folks are just good at life, apparently.

Besides, he probably has a basement full of picked babies and whatnot. The deviant.

Gav said...

You could plant a church on Sean Dunne's site in Ballsbridge. Perhaps with God's Grace it would grow into a high rise apartment complex.

fatmammycat said...

I am an excellent atheist, but a poor speller. It seems you just cannot have it all.

B said...

I've no idea who he is, so this all sounds stalkerish.

Aaron is gonna be miles happier, he's american... was just watching Roger&Me last night and you should've seen all the people of Flint, Michigan.
"Sure everyone here has lost their jobs, sure the place is gone to hell, sure suicides are gone up 800%, sure this place has been called the worst place to live in america, sure I can't feed my family, sure we're all miserable

...but we're happy"

can't picture the same in Ireland.

narocroc said...

Aaron will track you down and leave you Stranded, in flames, on Gaia. Heavenly, holy, damnation flames.

gimme a minute said...

Medbh:
But they love me! They want to save me from eternal ass pitchforkin'!

Conan:
They got me at 9. Praise Jesus.

Spot on:
My atheism is perfectly healthy, thanks. I might wish it wasn't, but it is.

Gav:
Or a shiny new bank. We could do with one of those. Though even Presbyterian God banks are skull fucking their members at the moment, I'm told.

Oh well.

Fatmammycat:
That's why Firefox has an internal spell checker.

It could do with a bullshit detector too, for all those buyers of woo.

B:
Stalking, it's the new being friends with people.

And yeah, we're fucking miserable even when we have no reason to be. Or I am, at least.

Narocroc:
You're reading him wrong. He's leaving that shit to the Lord.

But sure, if there's burning to be endured, I'm confident of being firmly foisted to first in the queue.

savannah said...

how do ya'll find these people, sugar? xoxo

Sassy Sundry said...

I'm with Medbh. "DNA rickshaws" made me giggle. I wonder why Aaron won't respond. Not such a great church planter if he won't talk to an athiest.

Reverend J. Frank Holocaust Denier said...

Frankly I am appalled at your attitude to religion.

Pyjamas Cat said...

please stop using twitter...

here i'll help you.

Ray Bradbury - I sing the body electric

There...

gimme a minute said...

Savannah:
Apparently it is very unbalanced to be following a complete Christmastian stranger on Twitter, but that's what I'm doing.

You have Twitter in the South, right?

Sassy:
I suspect he remains unaware of my unhealthy interest. I do wish he'd come and try to convert me though.

Reverend J. Frank Holocaust Denier:
Oh well.

Nice handle, by the by.

Pyjamas Cat:
The whole book or just that short story?

I'm always on the look out for a cure...

Pyjamas Cat said...

the whole book...

Does michael burleigh have anything new?

You've read the Third Reich yeah?

Two Koreas is also great... I'l find the author's name

gimme a minute said...

Pyjamas Cat:
Alright then.

You'd have to ask him.

I've heard of the Third Reich. It was a Reich, I seem to remember.

I'm assuming all of these books are going to help me quit twitter.

 
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