Monday, February 9, 2009

Is it safe?

Monday, February 9, 2009
'Well, why don't you get them?'

'Because I would eat them all in one sitting and then I would die. Do you want me to die? Is that it? You wish for my death?'

'You wouldn't die.'

'I might die.'

'You wouldn't die.'

'You want me dead.'

It was an odd combination of two specials. Two five packs of various chocolate bars for €4 with each Snickers pack containing two 'free' bars. Seven, count 'em, seven bars of sweet soothing Snickereses for the measly sum of four shitty euro. How did I pass them by?

'Eating fourteen Snickers in a sitting might well make you very, very ill but it would not kill you.'

'Fine. So how many would it take?'

'Do we need tuna?'

'You're avoiding the question.'

'No, I'm avoiding jamming the offer in question into your flapping gums to prevent you from going on and on about it.'

'Ah.'

So what do you folks think? Just how many Snickereses would it take to fell the mighty Gimme?

And why do I ask? Because when I get old and useless, older and uslesser, and the pain from the debilitating disease that is my everyday existence becomes too much, that is how I want to go, regurgitating the peanutty chocolatey goodness into a brightly coloured bucket of caramel bile before bolting down another bar. And another. And another.

I just need to know how many I need to get into the house.

19 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Radge said...

68.

That's how my childhood friend Pascal died, coincidentally.

Manuel said...

I say the 17 will do it..........good grief your poo would be awful.......that's probably what would kill you, the nutty poo........

Medbh said...

Hah-Hee!
You would have to eat that many every week for many years for the diabetic coma to follow, Gimme.
Shit, you see what most folks put into their carts at the market and yet they're still taking breath.

Don't sweat the Snickers.

Conan Drumm said...

Marathon was a better name for them. There is no limit to their edibility.

Rosie said...

apparently, less than 1lb of milk chocolate can be toxic to a 20lb dog.

so you're probably alright for a while yet.

narocroc said...

Stick one in each nostril and four down the chute, give it a few minutes then bang... Gimme goes blue hits floor.... etc etc.

gimme a minute said...

Radge:
Was it a competition? Did you put away 67?

Manuel:
I have lived on muesli for long periods during my life. What doesn't kill you only makes your colon weaker.

Medbh:
I wonder how many I'd have to eat before I actually started sweating Snickereses?

Mmmm, caramelly armpits.

Conan:
A much, much better name. There was a rumour in May that they were going to bring it back.

Stupid hope getting up rumours.

Rosie:
Are you saying I'm fat?

Narocroc:
Not quite filling the remit there and I'm pretty sure I could nibble my way to oxygen.

Nice idea, though.

Rosie said...

that's my line.

RedLeeroy said...

melt em down. A gimme snickers drink. With added nuts. Quicker too. And more dangerous

gimme a minute said...

Rosie:
Well, I fucking stole it.

Red Leeroy:
Now that would be a pint worth supping of a Friday night.

Gap in the market! Gap in the market!

Conan Drumm said...

So much easier to stagger into A&E and say you done 17 Marathons, as against 17 Snickerses.

problemchildbride said...

Start to introduce elements of Snickering into your everyday menu items. That should up the odds, if it's a hastened confected death your after. There is no need for cauliflower to be that dull. Snicker it! Tired of the same old sausages? Snicker them!

By God, I'm wasted not being in advertisements.

I'll be sad to see you go, Gimme, but death by Snickers is still a more dignified way to go than death by Snorting Guffaws.

gimme a minute said...

Conan:
There is indeed a horrible prejudice against the glutinous.

Problemchildbride:
Genius.
Spaghetti Bolosnickers for dinner tonight.

With a nice green snicker dressed salad.

Twenty Major said...

You need Snickers Pie - http://12.media.tumblr.com/i2dw5nf19jgviyy5gzqpJ30oo1_500.jpg

From here

gimme a minute said...

Twenty Major:
I very much like both the pie and the site.

The chicken inside the duck inside the turkey wrapped in bacon is particularly appealing.

Rosie said...

i've had that. it's good.

gimme a minute said...

Rosie:
Are you calling you fat?

Rosie said...

as is my wont.

gimme a minute said...

Rosie:
Well, get in the self-calling fat queue.

 
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