Monday, February 2, 2009

She might get out a nightstick and hurt me real, real bad by the roadside in a ditch

Monday, February 2, 2009
I should probably save this sharing for when I'm feeling a little more energetically rage-filled. But the next in the long line of Purple Danger related woes is the NCT. Oh, those money-grabbing fuckbags and their nasty cunt testicles. Yes, that is the best I can fucking do.

Do other countries have this crap, this grease monkey subsidising piece of bureaucratic toss? Do they? Answer me! I bet they don't. I bet this is more Irish shite like having the same fat, fetid foghorns in power for ten years and that whole Irish language scam. It angers me, but it just goes on the list with all the other car concerning crap that fills me with guilt or rage or deep never to be shifted self-loathing.

I want answers. I could ask Twitter, but I'm always asking Twitter stuff and it's never fucking answering. So I'll ask you people. Am I supposed to go and fail on purpose, first time around? So as I know what's wrong with the Great Purple Beast and can thusly be specific with said monkey? Or as the Danger Mobile is due a service, in that he's not had a service under the Gimme watch, should I just go and get that done and then hope for the best.? There's lots wrong with this car, I know that much. The oil, I suspect, is too oily or not oily enough. The tires are under pressure, pressurised about their pressure. And the rear windscreen wiper? Well, that motherfucker stopped working altogether the day before yesterday, on hearing the NCT news.

So tell me what to do. And then do it for me. I couldn't be arsed. Or you know, just buy us a new car. They're cheap now, I gather, at these repossessed Ann Marie Hourihane sponsored sales.

I'd quite like an Alfa, please.

13 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Radge said...

I'd loan you my bus pass if those same fat, fetid foghorns hadn't repossessed it.

fatmammycat said...

Oh that's a pain, we had to go twice because the thread on the brake pedel was worn and the fuel emmisions were a little high. Pain in the flaps. Hopefully Purple will sail through, pump up your tires and make sure your lights are even.

Conan Drumm said...

You need bling to drive an Alfa, probably cost more than the car.

NCT... if you know/of a mechanic you can trust (I know, I know) bring the car to them and tell them it's due its NCT and they'll sort it out for you, but get them to ring you before going ahead with any work/cost more than the basic service. They should check tyre tread depth, lights, emissions, brakes, etc

Rosie said...

like the flat tyre hissy fit incident, you'll get mileage out of this one.

RedLeeroy said...

I failed on the alignment of the front light beams (yes it's possible). That produced the kind of rage specifically reserved for the fuckhole-engineering-artistes at the NCT centre.

savannah said...

(thank goodness for google)

national car test, ok, yes. this is like an open book test, you know the questions. conan's right about going in prepared. and to answer your question, here in the states, that would be a yes with qualifications, but i'll not bore you with my problems. i'll save that for my own blog, sugar. xoxoxo

gimme a minute said...

And cancelled all the buses.

Are even what?

Okay, I'll do that. If you do it for me.

Couldn't you have tire ironed one more pun in there?

Red Leeroy:
Is that mechanic slang for exhaust pipe?

I expected a car test post within the hour, so.

fatmammycat said...

Head lights, all that going over speed bumps and what not can throw them out of whack, and they are buggers for failing people for it.

gimme a minute said...

See, I was trying for a little joke there but it didn't quite come off.

Must try harder.

Gav said...

My most recent NCT men was an Eastern European gentleman who was charming in the extreme - he was greatly concerned when my driver's window got stuck and gave me an opportunity to remedy it on the QT so that he wouldn't have to fail me - he was as happy as I when I passed......but then I drive an Alfa. Look out for her in a repossessed car auction near you.

gimme a minute said...

You jammy bastard is about all I have for you on that.

I'm going to get some bitter, haemorrhoid-having fat cunt bigot who doesn't like my accent or the fact that I'm an man driving a purple car.

Rosie said...

i was going to regale you with a link to my hilarious post about the time i took the wrong car for NCT but it turns out i haven't written it yet.

gimme a minute said...

It will work hard to be as hilarious as the comment itself.

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