Thursday, March 19, 2009

A sky scraping dove

Thursday, March 19, 2009
We have new paper towel dispensers in the gym. Oh yes we do. And they're fucking magic.

No longer must I strain my bulging biceps as I pull these pieces of paper from their plastic prison. Beardy Boy forbid. All I now need do is wave my hand in front of the little Paul Daniels sensor and Hey Jaysus Presto, my waiting palm is filled with rainforest ejaculate. I am overjoyed that, having happily frittered away untold natural resources running in place like the mindless rodent that I am, I may also contribute to the ultimate demise of this idiot planet with the unnecessary mopping of my sweaty brow.

It's the little things, don't you know.

10 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Aidan said...

give me convenience or give me death, that's what i say. it's my prime directive. i rejoiced when i saw the paper towel dispensers. there had always been something missing from my gym experience. did i mention i love our shared gym? unlike you, they don't have to pay me to attend. gimme, i love it more than you. just own it.

Meadow said...

Wow. Have never seen those, very high-tech. The Dyson hand dryers in my gym are pretty cool. Or hot.

I definitely think there must be a way to generate electricity from all the people running on treadmills.

Red Leeroy said...

I wonder does the odd gentleman teabag a dyson from time to time? Your lucky though Gimme, those dispensers will singlehandedly end germs.

Meadow said...

Red, I think 'odd' would be the operative word there. I mean, there's suction, and then there's SUCTION!

gimme a minute said...

Aidan:
Oh, I love it really. It certainly beats the shit out of a three night stand in the Burnavon Arts Centre in Cookstown.

Meadow:
And I doubt it would be difficult either. But why would anyone be arsed? We have infinite resources, right?

Red Leeroy:
Meadow got there before me. And not merely odd, but determined too. They're quite high up on the wall, like.

Sarah Gostrangely said...

Rainforest Ejaculate.

Love it.

Conan Drumm said...

No paper jams yet?

gimme a minute said...

Sarah:
We're spilling it on the crusty sock of our temporary convenience.

Conan:
As it happens, I got in tonight and the fucker was empty.

Some 'cloud goes up, cloud goes down' comedian now has a healthy paper towel collection.

Rosie said...

i'd probably pay good money to see you in the Burnavon Arts Centre in Cookstown.

well, maybe.

no fucking way would i fork out to see you prance around the gym, though.

gimme a minute said...

Rosie:
Sure you would.

 
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