Monday, April 6, 2009

I can't spell away this hurt that's drippin' down my cheek

Monday, April 6, 2009
Riker's report came in the post today. It's great the way they write 'em up and ship 'em out in April, thus providing my child and her friends with tacit permission to do what the fuck they want for the next three months. Go for it, girls. Burn the fucking school down. None of it's going on your permanent record.

The report runs as follows: in each subject one can be very good, good, fair or has difficulties. Fair as Riker is, she got no fairs. Difficult as her prematurely launched adolescence is, she got no has difficulties. And so I scrutinise every little good as if it said useless little bitch. There were only two. One was in 'English Spelling Ability'. Remember that for me folks, tuck it in the back of your very good minds for the conclusion of the post.

Then we have a section entitled 'General Comments'. Here's how that one panned out:

'Riker is a friendly, diligent pupil. She applies herself well in all areas of the curriculum, particularly the arts.'

Sic, folks. Fucking sic.

What the fuck am I talking about? This may upset, so you might want to get a drink or light a smoke or cook up a hit. Gimme was going to write hilariously about how the teacher misspelled the word 'diligent.' Except that she didn't. Gimme misspelled it in his head. Gimme didn't realise this until the internal spell checker pointed it out. Gimme the fucking pedantic spelling scold fucked up a spelling. Call the social services people, and have these children taken from me before I pass on any more of this good stuff.

9 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Medbh said...

Aha!
But here's your redeeming quality that prevents you from being a true snob, Gimme:
You can admit when you're wrong.

Meadow said...

How did you spell it in your head?

I got 9/10 in a spelling test once. The teacher said there was only one 's' in 'embarrassment.'

Hmmm, it's really time I got over that...

gimme a minute said...

Medbh:
Aha indeed. My first reaction was to put my spelling of the word in place of Ms Teacher's and leave the post as was.

Couldn't do it though.

Meadow:
With two 'l's. The shame. The embarrassment, if you will.

And I see no reason for you to get over such a a cruel injustice.

Radge said...

'Did you mean: diligence'

Fuck. You're right. All that I thought I knew is lost.

Ellie said...

Oh dear, oh dear. I feel shame.

However, go on the Riker.

Conan Drumm said...

Back in the day, I had to be forceably restrained from red-biroing the primary school notes and sending them back. Mostly it was my apostrophe issues.

Sniffle said...

Its the boxes which torment me, how dare they and such, but I still want that lill Nike tick in the Vgood zone. That’s all about me, yes ?

Red Leeroy said...

It was Egypt that always fucked me up.

gimme a minute said...

Radge:
I know. It just looks wrong. Stupid spellings.

Ellie:
Yes, how upsetting for you.

Riker 'interacts well with her peers and is well-behaved.' Stylistically that one's a bit dodgy. The two 'well's? Weak.

Conan:
I have done just that, for Riker's amusement. While her teacher is clearly a better exponent than I of the spelling arts, the principal who writes the notes home is a fucking joke. We don't send them back though. They go on the fridge.

Sniffle:
And me, and me.

Red Leeroy:
Ah, me too. Until I started playing DJ Foefur's mash up of 'Last Nite' and 'Walk like an Egyptian' with irritating regularity in my classes, at which point it all came together for me.

Sometimes too much information isn't icky, it's just too much information.

 
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