Thursday, April 16, 2009

I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies

Thursday, April 16, 2009
I would be a shitty paraplegic. The mere fact of being unable to move my right arm above shoulder height for 48 hours due not to a dramatic and exciting smashed collar bone bicycle crash but to the deeply unimpressive ailment commonly known as 'sleeping funny on it' turned me decisively into a immobile, chocolate stuffing, Simpsons Hit and Run playing, hot water bottle demanding, Cormac McCarthy's 'The Road' reading in one sitting, miserable cunt.

I hate not being able to do stuff with my limbs. Limb stuff doing seems to me to be a Gimme birthright and having to submit to 45 minutes of charmingly named, turns out I have met a nice South African Reetha inflicted agony to get said right right again was a heavy price to pay.

Gladness will no doubt reign with the knowledge that I have my full range of motion back with just the minor inconvenience of a sickening shoulder click on full extension. I am therefore off the Playstation and once again talking to the internet. Lucky fucking you guys.

26 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Meadow said...

The time you 'slept funny' on your arm, did you wake up with it wrapped around you and wonder, 'Who the fuck is this?'

That's happened me a couple of times I woke up with my own 'dead' arm around my neck. Leads to a few seconds of lying there with an worrisome but unnecessary morning after feeling.

Medbh said...

Eating all that Easter candy, hmm?

Radge said...

Moving on...

Gimme - The Road? You reckon?

Sniffle said...

Difene

Rosie said...

Reetha makes you sound like you have a speech impediment.

did you cry at the end of The Road? not that i did, like...

stipes said...

delighted to hear your motions are normal again

fatmammycat said...

I liked The Road but I though the end was a bit of a cop out.
The bit with the cellar people though gave me the squicks something rotten

sassysundry said...

Ouch. I hate it when I "sleep funny" on my arm. Hope it feels better soon.

gimme a minute said...

Meadow:I worry more about the horrible tinglies as the feeling returns.

And then I got off the bus.

Medbh:I'm saving the children from themselves. Someone's got to do it.

Radge:I certainly do.

Sniffle:You got anything stronger?

Rosie:I do have a speech impediment, you insensitive bitch.

Stipes:My range of motions. I keep them home, home on the range.

I'm not making any sense.

Fatmammycat:I agree, The Mist it weren't but should have been.

The writing though. Mmmm. I went from that to my other Easter Egg substitute book 'Q&A' upon which that shit Danny Boyle flick was based and I had to put the fucker down. It's perfectly reasonable storytelling but the whole every word not aspiring to perfection made it unreadable for at least 24 hours after Cormac's chuckle fest.

Sassy:Pretty much there now, thanks. Some stiffness, but the arm's okay.

Can't I just politely respond to a comment without making some smarmy remark? It would seem not.

Manuel said...

"I hate not being able to do stuff with my limbs."

really? because in a way it's my dream......

gimme a minute said...

Manuel:That's just the chafing talking.

Rosie Poly, Pudden n' Pie said...

i too have chafing as a result of too many easter eggs.

that's what you're talking about, right?

Conan Drumm said...

Army of one, eh?

I'm a bit of a CMcC fan, going back to Blood Meridian and beyond.

Found meslf a bit non-plussed by The Road, a bit 'meh'. I think Doris Lessing's Memoirs of a Survivor was a better dystopian book. And Tarkovsky's Stalker covers the territory on film.

Radge said...

I reckon too. Can't wait for the film.

fatmammycat said...

Sweet Jebus, The Road is a picnic in the park on a sunny day compared to Blood Meridian, The Judge was a monster.

allthelightsarebroken said...

It took me five attempts over two years to get through the hellishness of blood meridian, dark... read the road in one sitting one sleepless night and I think i was still shaking three days later.

Twenty Major said...

I'm not sure I understand why reading a book would leave someone shaking.

Not directed at you in particular brokenlights, just a general observation.

gimme a minute said...

Conan, I have one of those video index cards about Stalker. To say I didn't get it would be understating the case.

Twenty, you clearly have not read 'A Vibrator In Every Orifice, Yes, Both Nostrils and A Really Skinny One Up Your Jap's Eye, A How To Guide' by Anthony McPartlin.

See, I could have gone with a Michael J. Fox bit there, but I took the classy road instead.

problemchildbride said...

Horrible tinglies are really an underworried subclass of things to underworry about.I'm glad you've got it covered. You're right next to me, I'm in Abominable Tinglies, Subclass 1. Come by for a coffee or a gin, depending on how my day tingly-beating is going.

So, right. See ya.

problemchildbride said...

The Road is that sort of one-sitting thing. It just is. It's irresistable in its inevitablility. Of being a one-sitting thing. I found that. It just fucking is. OK?

Captain Smack said...

I know how you feel. I sometimes can't get my knee over my head. But when I do, it's magical.

Conan Drumm said...

"those video index cards"

As in that great occasional series you were treating us to, and then left us high and dry?

Rosie said...

mmm hmm, Conan. like that online dating series of yours, eh?

Conan Drumm said...

Touché! I have to enter the discretion/valour plea.

Irish Begrudger said...

What they didn't show in The Passion of the Christ, was that before the infamous torture scene, Jesus actually slept the whole night on his arm.

So broadly speaking, he was already in the pit of hell before the Romans started flagellating him (a course of action which he really only considered 'topping up' on his existing discomfort).

Conan Drumm said...

Ahem?

 
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