Monday, August 24, 2009

Would you get behind them if you could only find them?

Monday, August 24, 2009
So speaking of my dubious heterosexuality, I have no idea how you ladies do this shit.all the time. It's so much work. Even if I were to shave the face of one of those actors with the massive fucking heads and teeny weeny bodies, the surface area and indeed awkwardness could not compare to even the most petite of pins. And we're talking about my highly honed, tightly toned tree trunks here. Yes, we are. Yes, I have. I have been shaving my legs. For the Wicklow 200, originally. To look like a real cyclist. If I look like a real cyclist, I reasoned, I will cycle like a real cyclist. And so it proved. Yeah, sure, it might have been all the training, the smart fuelling, the EPO. But I was happy to give credit for that cycling symphony to my hairless legs. And then they started getting all hirsute and weird. So I did it again. And twice more since. But it must end, I suppose. Common Law has been complaining about the stubble (while kindly keeping her opinion of the entire concept to herself) and there's no way I can be arsed trying to reach the back of my knee more than once a week. If my chin only meets the razor every three days, my legs, the inaccessible fucks, aren't going to get the special treatment.

And yet I am already repulsed by this decision. Hairy legs. Yuck, and might I add, bleuch.

8 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Conan Drumm said...

Hairier legs actually, since you shaved them.

gimme a minute said...

Isn't that a myth?

Either way, they can't be any hairier than they used to be. They were very, very fucking hairy.

Fat Sparrow said...

Well, see, you had to do well, 'cause you shaved your legs.

That shaving thing is addictive. I gave it up in protest sometime in the mid-90's and went all hippie, but after about a week I just couldn't take the itchiness any more and so off the hair went and the only residual from all of that is that I still wear comfortable shoes.

Since the Spouse Sparrow moved here to the hellishly hot land of Southern California, he has taken to shaving his pits in the summer, as he can't stand the sweat dripping down the individual hairs.

Like they say, "Ye ken ye're a real man when ye shave yer legs." To wear a kilt, of course. Honest.

But if you start shaving your balls or bleaching your anus your dubious heterosexuality may not be so dubious anymore.

Twenty Major said...

Why do cyclists shave their legs? Less wind resistance? Surely not. Couldn't you just wear a par of Pretty Pollys?

gimme a minute said...

Fat Sparrow:
I think it's only BMXers who bleach their anuses. Ani?

There are many alleged reasons. The wind resistance one is pretty much debunked. Less painful post ride massage is another. And ease of wound cleaning after crashes. All fairly bullshitty.

The real reason: (Take it away Topol)

fatmammycat said...

Better muscle definition, cyclists love that.

Conan Drumm said...

Does Lance have hairy legs? I'm presuming you're stalking him and going on his Tour de Phoenix Parc.

gimme a minute said...

They're not the only ones.

I had to work. But I did ask my morning spin class to go in my stead and fuck syringes at the le cunt.

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