Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Clouds that pierce the illusion that tomorrow would be as yesterday

Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Common Law has just walked out the door, using that hoary old "work" excuse, leaving me with Data, Riker and two of Riker's friends. How the good fuck did this come about? It's a Girl Guide, having a car, being a good neighbour thing and may well become a regular event. Four children and me at the dinner table. The noise, oh mother of fuck, the noise. One of them, known to regular readers as Olivia who says "crap" all the time, is perhaps the loudest person ever in the history of the world. Every word is a shout, whenever it is not a shriek. There is no statement, question or imperative that is unworthy of a hollered "Oh my God!" preface. And the other three, newly grown up Data in particular, feel the need to compete enthusiastically yet unsuccessfully, with this tornado of tone. Two more hours before I can drop them off and go to work. They finish and drift to another room, Olivia's dinner untouched as she is "allergic to potatoes", as well as, one assumes, chicken, spinach, cannellini beans and cherry tomatoes. I crank up the Rodriguez as I clear the table, but to no avail. Every exclamation drills through my frontal lobe, the usual comfort of hot water plate rinsing easing my tension not a jot. Worst of all though is the realisation that this is just the beginning, cut to one, two, three, four five years from now, and there's two sets of friends and they're louder and brasher and even more in my fucking face.

I believe I may have some kind of nervous condition. Most likely a touch of the vapours.

9 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Alice said...

My 4-year-old just shut my door to "give me some privacy" because I was laughing so loud at this.

Maybe ask Olivia if she is also allergic to dirty socks stuffed in her mouth?

Rosie said...

i've changed my mind. i'm busy on friday.

savannah said...

good golly miss molly, sugar! tell olvia there is NO YELLING AT YOUR DINNER TABLE! just do it quietly, so she has to shut the fuck up to hear you! xoxox

(ok, maybe i'm just too old to have any sympathy, honey. or maybe i was just a tyrant, i'll have to ask the coconut krewe.)

Fat Sparrow said...

Other people's children are cunts. Then again, mine do my head in on a regular basis. The Nestling Sparrow (who is Special Needs) is distressed about me being ill for so long, and he has not shut-up for the past 4 days. Along with my kidney/bladder infection and migraine, I also feel your pain. You need to put the fear of god into them, if you ever hope to get some peace and quiet. As a plus, it keeps them from coming around because you're the grouchy parent.

True story: My dad once duct-taped my little brother's mouth shut because he wouldn't quit talking. He was diagnosed as ADHD and my parents didn't want to medicate him because of the side effects. I do wonder what psychological side effects he has from having such parents, but he's a massive cunt so I don't talk to him.

I do ramble on, I believe it's time for some Tylenol and Valium.

Fat Sparrow said...

Savannah and I crossed in the ether, there, but she is dead on. Commence the beatings and serve brussell sprouts, no one will be round.

Manuel said...

awh aren't they all just lovely little blessings.....my son is fourteen in December....he doesn't shout....which is nice....just saying like...

Sniffle said...

Kiss the joys.

fatmammycat said...

I once put an annoying child out of my car and drove off. True story.
Good luck to you.

Kim Ayres said...

You should be out there hunting mammoths and sabre-tooth tigers bare handed. It's much easier than staying home looking after the kids

 
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