Thursday, October 8, 2009

So much younger than today

Thursday, October 8, 2009
I need your help.

I don't say that often, master as I am of my own universe, a veritable Superman, in truth, capable of any task, no matter how Herculean. Aside from those annoying little ones like getting up in the morning, not screaming in frustration about a bizillion times a day and you know, being alive. But I'm sorted for everything else.

My eye was caught by this article which talks about bloggers getting free shit for good reviews. I should do that, I thought. So while I wait for Messrs Mars, Bianchi and Grasshopper to realise the massive purchasing power of my fourteen person readership I thought I could get in some practise by giving a glowing review to something shit. Or shittish. Or fucking wonderful, I don't care. It's not like I want to work hard at this. So some suggestions? A poem, an album, a very short book. A fillum, even. I'll find it myself. You won't have to send it to me. You don't even have to pay me or give me other random free stuff. Though I'm much more likely to pick your idea if you do.

22 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Twenty Major said...

Talk about crossbows. I feel like crossbowing some cunts in the neck.

John Braine said...

The first thing to pop in to my head is Revolver. (Guy Ritchie not the Beatles).

Radge said...

Johnny Cash's autobiography 'Cash' by Johnny Cash.

Or that new Pixar film 'Up' because you'll probably end up bringing the youngsters anyway.

Or... No, that's it.

Rosie said...

i hear are great for that sort of thing.

Radge said...


Medbh said...

You could review the Huffington Post.

Andrew said...

"Ouch" me hole, Radge, you must've noticed that a couple of the writers there, including Gimme's personal favourite, have from time to time posted an entire press release verbatim. Most of them (like you) don't, but it's embarrassing to read when people do.

Kim Ayres said...

There are thousands of blogs out there who have signed up to write reviews in the hope of making money or gaining freebies. The problem is they are so f***ing boring, no one reads them so they end up making no money

Twenty Major said...

it's embarrassing to read when people do.

Not when you're the one holding the lovely merchandise. The contra deal rules man.

I mean, free tickets to exhibitions nobody wants to go to anyway. I'd write whatever they wanted.

Conan Drumm said...

John Braine is cruel, don't go anywhere near Guy Ritcie's rubblsh, you'll despair.

Might I suggest bikes?

gimme a minute said...

I do like the Barnett 18028. But it make take further research to find one designed just for the neck shot.

John Braine:
Nice. Do I get a free Madonna?

Is "Cash" short? I know it is around here!

Badum tish.

I'm so busted. This is just my subtle way of applying for my dream gig.

Liberals can be homeopathy loving douchbags too.

I kept it short.

Fight! Fight!

I must say I took "ouch" to mean "touché". But I appreciate the attempt to liven up my comment box.

True, true. I will endeavour to review whatever I review excitingly.

Twenty Again:
Man cannot live on Pat Ingoldsby book sales commission alone.

You might. No one in their right mind is going to give me their bike, though. Reasoning to follow.

Radge said...

You should have had a drumroll leading up to that one.

As for Culch, you called it as I intended it, Gimme. Just treating irony with (rather crap) irony and no intention to offend.

problemchildbride said...

I wold like to hear you expound in the various merits and demerits of the Sealy Posturepedic mattress. No, seriously. I know my fucked lower back is because of my complete failure to lift my children while bending at the knees for these past seven years, despite knowing both the correct method and the trouble I ws building up for myself, but I'm pretending along with half the mattress-buyers in our fat Western lands that my bed is the problem. It makes me happy to think that a fully-researched consumer experience culminating in the orgasm of transaction is going to make it all better. So if you could review one of them, that'd be great, ta.

Or you could mebbe tell me some exercises. You're a bendy fellow, right? Yoga and whatnot? Is hearing your spine-cracking bad? said...

Of course, I meant bending my knees whilst lifting my children, not lifting my children while bending my knees. I have often bent my knees on occasions where my children were not there. You can't tell, but I'm doing it now. They're cracking too. How bad is that?

Please also try to not notice all my other typos. Thanks.

gimme a minute said...

Jeez, way to dissipate the argument, dude. A simple "fuck you" would have kept things ticking along nicely.

I must say, I like the idea of a review that involves lying down.

As to spine cracking, if there's no pain as it happens it's probably not the end of the world. But a wee bit of yoga would certainly do no harm.

Esther from Yogatic will get you going. All yoga instructors say buttock hilariously, but her rendition is a particular favourite of mine.

Andrew said...

Not long after I left that comment Radge popped over to my blog and wished me a happy birthday. He's not great at online fighting, is he? 'Course, he may just have noticed that I didn't remotely have the knives out for him. I was kinda hoping that Tony Fenton, Doyler, or some such creature might slink over and take umbrage but it appears not.

gimme a minute said...

They don't come around here no more. I can't think why.

Did you know that fucker put a picture of Common Law's work station up on cuntie? Her Hello Kitty pencil case exposed to the world. We felt soiled.

And belated happy returns to you.

Andrew said...

Cheers. I heard something about that but hadn't quite followed as to how or why. Surely what's most upsetting is that he was able to gain access to her inner sanctum in the first place? But that might be a conversation for another day.

gimme a minute said...

You know when Homer gets a job as a teacher and he breaks all the lights shouting 'It's okay! I'm a teacher!'?

Substitute teacher with blogger. Or you know, prick.

Radge said...

Fuck off ye pair of cunts.

(Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry...)

I'm like Ned fuckin' Flanders.

Rosie said...

it seems the lord of irish blogging has answered your prayer. all he wants to know is where you live.

gimme a minute said...

And I was straight in there like the corporate shill like I am.

Anyone else wanna pay me for intimate knowledge of my daily whereabouts?

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