Monday, October 19, 2009

Such a cost

Monday, October 19, 2009
I had my heart broken when I was a child, multiple times, in quick succession. So I thought, fuck this, and decided not to do that any more. I cry when I'm bad, I cry out of anger, I cry at weddings. People don't make me cry any more. I just turn that shit off.

So it's hard to know how adults deal with these dealings. Lost love. Love lost. It's hard to know what they need from me at these times. These loved ones, these cherished ones. Because all I ever have to offer is rage. Data falls over on the way home. I feel rage. I snuggle her and try to make her laugh but all that I feel is rage. Rage at myself because I wasn't close enough to make the catch. Rage at the ground for daring to strike my daughter. Rage, most of all, at my endless impotency in the face of this world. But I know what Data needs. She needs the stuff that I'm giving, the hugging, the hilarity. I don't know what grown-ups need.

Perhaps, like me, they just need Snickereses.

6 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

savannah said...

i'm finding a glass or more of whisky is helping right now, sugar. xoxox

Manuel said...

christ I love a good cry....get it out to fuck is what I say....I had a cry just the other day, whilst eating lunch....it wasn't a bad lunch, it was very tasty actually....I just started crying....miss my da terribly sometimes......

Fat Sparrow said...

When my daughter was little and she would fall, I'd yell at whatever she fell on and then give it a time out. If she had hit her head, I'd pretend she had left a bit of brain on the floor, and I'd pretend to spit on it to "wash" it (mom-style, you know, mom-spit cleans everything) and then I'd pretend to stuff it back in her ear and I'd make her shake her head to get her brains settled back in. Worked like a charm every time.

Grown ups... Yeah, much harder.

Rosie said...

all adults need is someone to listen. sympathetically. while they endlessly repeat themselves.

you've a grand pair of ears on you.

Manuel said...

I'd love a snickers right now all the same....

Twenty Major said...

Grown-ups need pints.

 
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