Sunday, November 29, 2009

I tremble with the nervous thought

Sunday, November 29, 2009
Scroll. Click. Vote again. Scroll. Click. Vote again. That's me. That's me and Darragh Doyle, That's me, Darragh Doyle and his army of illiterate minions. All day, every day. My weight is down, lower even than when I won that race, because I don't have time for eating, just clicking, scrolling, voting again. There's more of them, you see, so very many more. X-factor watchers. Late Late Show live bloggers. Happy-clappy, isn't life just great fucking zombies. Lurching, clicking, scrolling, voting. You can't kill them by crushing the skull because they're already brain undead, every last neuron melted by reality television and blissful ignorance.

I thought it was all over on Friday, I thought I could let it go. Mired they were in a single digit with four worthies, or at least less shitties, ahead of them. So I risked an evening out. But late last night I checked again, and there they were, way out in front, leading the charge with their idiotic, lowest common denominator banality. So I skipped work today, let the children starve in their own filth, and clicked and clicked again. And I cannot make a dent.

I've given up on the languishing Twenty, whose fan base appear much too concerned with fringe issues like the rape of our children and witty word play, and am focusing my voting on the second place minority reporting of Maman Poulet. I'm not a regular reader, being more of a majority man, but I am aware that the woman can construct a sentence and has more in her mind than the fucking Breffmeister, whatever the cunt that is.

I am a small and bitter man, yes. But I'd rather be small. I'd rather be bitter. I'd rather be angry and sad and nasty and yes, depressed, I'd rather be all these things than an 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here' watching moron. And rejoicing in its futility, I will make my meaningless stand.

13 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Radge said...

As (or perhaps 'Though') an illiterate minion, I endorse this blog entry.

Manuel said...

arf....I arf at your bitterness and I too endorse it....

Sniffle said...

Holding back the tide with a pitchfork Gimme. And sweet,sweet rage agains the dying of the light.

I watched the X this evening and saw Alica Keys ( spelling ? ), not bad , not bad at all. ( Like a virgin, touched and in a good way )

Better that you got back in the groove yourself and with more thougts and stories and dam good good stuff.

Sniffle said...

Against & thoughts .

Be gentle.

gimme a minute said...

Present company excepted. I have never come across one of your contributions, but I can only assume that they are up to your usual literate standards.

What can we do but arf? Arf and click.

Alicia gets a nod in a Dylan song. But you knew that.

And you forgot to correct 'dam'.

Radge said...

Cheers Gimme. They're few and far between and ne'er a press release in sight.

Rosie said...

i've lost my battle.

Andrew said...

Right on.

Radge is, presumably, some sort of inside agent seeking to take them down internally.

But I fear they are far, far too many.

Still, nice that they let special needs kids participate.

Voodoolady said...

I am highly amused by this post. I will be back to re-read and giggle a few more times this evening.

Twenty Major said...

I think we can all agree that any award which is based on who has the most people to click over and over again isn't worth winning anyway.

You want properly, behind the scenes fixed awards to have any credibility.

gimme a minute said...

I wish someone would send me a press release.

But not the war.

Isn't though? Now I feel bad.


My irony detector is flashing. But you're welcome back any time.

Twenty Major:
Yup, like the 2010 World Cup winners.

Hey, how come Bock isn't on the list? The conspiracy goes all the way to the top...

Twenty Major said...

I'm sure the collective are suitably displeased.

NaRocRoc said...

Eh hmmmmm.

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