Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Now Jimmy chose the Yankee blue

Tuesday, April 13, 2010
As Common Law, Data and I wandered Rikerless through Trinity College this Sunday, (the older daughter was with her new family, the Alis) my partner in drudgery asked if I would like to go back to college. Proud of my ignorance and pickiness, I immediately pointed out that I had never been to college and therefore could not technically go back. Common Law sighed.

"Would you like to go to college?"

As this question was posed we were passing a politely passed out pupil prone upon the cricket pitch, with a can of my Pims clasped lightly in his fist.

"Yes," I said, "Definitely."

"I don't mean so that you could spend your days drunk and lying in the sun. I mean so that you could study."

"Oh," I said. I needed to think about that one.

Which is all by way of bringing forth my statement of the day. I fucking love iTunesU. Sure, that's a lot of irritating wrong sized letterness, but what it provides! I'm currently attending Yale. Oh yes, I am. Every night as lay down my head after another day of meaningless exertion, I drop in on a lecture. I'm currently learning all about the American Civil War, from the esteemed Professor Blight. That is some fucked up shit, folks. And I haven't even got to the war bit. We're at slavery, me and the prof and fucking hell is pretty much all I have on that. And it happen yesterday, just about. Really, the temerity of Americans with their freedom bullshit, even the right-thinking ones. They have some serious memory loss issues, they really do. It's early days, but I'm pretty sure that Professor Blight's thesis will turn out to be that slavery and the Civil War fucked America and Americans all the way up. And you can see why he might posit the shit out of that too. Think of an American. First one that comes into your head. Fucked up, right? Mental, most likely. I know, mad isn't it? Isn't he, isn't she? That's the Civil War and all the messed up shit that caused it and all the messed up shit that it caused, right there in your mental mentlar picture.

But it gets better. I've just started alternating my Frederick Douglass with a little bit of the old philosophising. I was attracted by the title of the course in question which is, quite simply, Death. Get in! I dig a bit of death, me. And a bit of Death too. I'm only ten minutes into the introductory lecture but what a fucking ten minutes it's been. Shelly (he wants us to call him Shelly) has already put it out there that he has an argument to make, and that it is, in a couple of nutshells, this: Immortality is not desirable, there is no afterlife, suicide is a moral act and death is, in essence, fucking deadly. That's Irish deadly, you poor fucked up Gringos, an Irish deadly meaning fab.

So I'm getting educated. For free. On my telephone. Obviously I won't get a piece of paper, and thus the potential to earn more than the paltry sum that shouting at people brings in, but I'm pretty sure that to earn a bona fide university qualification one has to spreadeagle one's self in a spring-kissed cider stupor and I have neither the time, the money nor the emotional backing to be doing with that. And I'd also be willing to wager that a degree in Civil War, Slavery and Death does not pave the road to much wealth.

But I'll let you know how they turn out. Badly, I'm guessing, on just about all counts.

14 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Radge said...

I like the new design.

It actually has a Civil War / parchmenty/ 'something Nick Cave might write a film about' feel to it, blog template or not.

Fat Sparrow said...

Americans were fucked up long before the Civil War. I wouldn't worry too much about not having that piece of paper, nowadays a degree is more of a receipt than proof you've learned anything. I may be a tad cynical, the Fledgling's Uni bill just came in the mail.

I think it's fucked up that they teach kids in school that the Civil War was about freeing the slaves, while the kids are all young and impressionable, and never mention the financial reasons behind the war. Every rose has its thorn, every war has its Halliburton.

Conan Drumm said...

CL poses an interesting question. Being unencumbered with qualifications myself I have oft mused on matters collidge related... finances and other circs permitting I would in a parallel fantasy world have done human or veterinary medicine in my late thirties. I would have been good at either, even managing to overcome my fear of rabid humans/animals.

fatmammycat said...

I second the vet thing, I would go back to college so that I too could someday drive a Jag, pick my teeth clean with crisp 50 pound note and laugh as I watch yet another woman enter the surgery carrying a cash machine in a cat box.

gimme a minute said...

Thank you. It's certainly better than it was post tantrum butchering.

Fat Sparrow:
It's universal. You wouldn't believe the shit we get here about 1916.

In my parallel universe I did some work in secondary school and became a lawyer like I said I was going to be when I was ten. I am so fucking rich you wouldn't believe.

I sympathise. Not looking forward to the children getting old and decrepit.

Twenty Major said...

I sympathise. Not looking forward to the children getting old and decrepit.

They're much more difficult to carry around in boxes too.

gimme a minute said...

Twenty Major:
Yup. And trying to get them in there too.

"Why can't we go to the hospital like other children?"

"Because of Mary Harney. Now get in the box."

Medbh said...

There was a guy I met last night in his 50s who just earned a Ph.D. last year.

I listened to an itunes lecture from some prof at Berkeley and turned it off ten minutes in after he said that he wanted to make his students orgasm. Fucking hippies.

emordino said...

I will be very disappointed if it turns out that Professor Blight isn't a supervillain.

gimme a minute said...

You may have dialled the wrong number there.

He's a grown up Adrian Veidt.

Medbh said...

He was giving a lecture on Shakespeare, for reals.

Since you mentioned Douglass, you may be interested to hear that when Victoria Claflin Woodhull was the first woman to run for president in the U.S. in the 1870s, she chose Douglass as her V.P and put him on the ticket, and all the posters without even asking him.
Among the items on her platform was an argument that women had sexual pleasure as a Constitutional right.
We wacky Americans.

Oh christ ,still me - sniffle said...

There IS a lot of shit you can learn by or after or before having a "can of my Pims clasped lightly in your fist"

Of a sunny afternoon too.

Like nothing else but space and time and HER.

Do it. (Tger's secret sign - no dead voices though)

gimme a minute said...

Wow, how was she not elected?

I'm just going to fold these clothes first.

Alice said...

Oh, we have so many reasons to be fucked up, let's not narrow it down to one.

And funny, I just visited my alma mater this weekend and am filled with a deep sense of regret that I took so little advantage. Would go back in a second if I had time, money, and any brain left to retain something other than Jeopardy answers.

How do I not know about iTunesU? I'm sadly behind in the things young folk are up to.

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