You're far too keen on where and how, but not so hot on why

To pray The Way of the Ridiculous Weather Cycle requires only that you meditate before each station. Before each station you may say: "We adore you, O Gimme, and we bless you, because by your holy bicycle, you have redeemed the world. Kind of."

I. Gimme condemned. To going for a cycle.

II. Gimme gets on His Drek.

III. Gimme goes "Motherfucker!" for the first time.


IV. Gimme meets Mr M.

V. Mr M. says he's just going to go at Gimme's pace. Mr M. always says that.


VI. Nobody wipes the nose of Gimme. He blows a snot rocket then wipes His own nose.



VII. Gimme goes "Motherfucker!" for the second time.

VIII. At the start of the climb, Gimme passes that club jerseyed guy who had the temerity to pass Gimme on the flat. Gimme leaves him for dead. The sky starts to do something beyond merely raining.


IX. Gimme goes "Motherfucker!" for the third time. This time is both the loudest and wheeziest.

X. On Military Road, Gimme is completely soaked to the fucking skin by a sideways driving hail. He cannot see more then five feet through the mist. He tries to hide behind Mr M in a half-assed echelon, but the wind keeps blowing Mr M towards His wheel. He gives up and cries a little bit.


XI. Gimme begins the descent. His face, fingers and toes go completely fucking numb, instantly.

XII. Gimme dies on the bike. Or wishes he was dead. "Give me a couple of nails in my palms and a slow agonising suffocation any day", He thinks.

XIII. Gimme's body is removed from the bike.

XIV. Gimme's body is laid in the gym shower where it very, very slowly defrosts.

XV. Gimme teaches spin.

It may be safely asserted that there is no devotion which enables us more literally to obey His injunction to take up our bicycle and follow Him.



*Iconography by Riker*