Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I wanna be the one to walk in the sun

Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I'm sleepy and somewhat loved up on endorphins and my feet hurt more than my shoulder which hurts quite a lot and tomorrow I will most likely have to walk backwards down the stairs which will not lend itself to the teaching of two yoga classes but what are you going to do? I'll tell you. You're going to listen to what I have to say.

A girl's night in. A boy's night out. Concepts of complete cuntitude, of comprehensive cockness. Why must we be divided so? Why must we be so divided? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're familiar with Gimme's fake feminist schtick. But I have more. Check this shit out. They're getting "the girls 'round." Not the women, despite the fact that this all appears to be aimed at grown ups. The girls. And just so's you know, there's nothing better than not having to worry about bad chat up lines. Personally I can think of one or two things better than that and none of them involve worry or women and no me. But yes, it's a girl's night in. Yes, it's for the kind of people who like "baking up a storm", who love "gossiping all night long", who like to "dress down in PJs and watch the X-Factor". Who bitch about their best friend when they go to the toilet. Who cry when they hear their best friend bitching about them through the toilet door. Who wake up on a Sunday with traces of their farting, belching still drunk boyfriend's vomit on their PJs from when he came in arseholed after a lad's night out and tried to rape them, but lacking an erection, threw up on them instead.

Drop the fucking pink. Lose the gender norms. And the word is "around". Around. Get the girls around. Spelling it "'round" in every sentence in every fucking paragraph on every fucking page of your hideously pink website changes nothing.

Look, I'm sorry. I'm in a lot of pain. Go ahead. Give your money to cancer. I'm all for cancer. Go cancer! But please, find a way to do it that doesn't belittle us all and make me want to throw up on my girlfriend's PJs. Thank you.

8 Johns and Janes for the comment whore:

Rosie said...

that website hurt my eyes. it reminds me of this.

the Irish Feminist Network are looking for people to organise 'feminism in the pub' sessions. you should volunteer.

emordino said...

Reminds me of that hideous ad for... is it for fuckin toast or something? Some bunch of hootin' uterines in furry socks being all pleasant at each other after a Disnified night out, is all my merciful brain will let me recall.

I'm very much in favour of your style of Truth In Advertising, though. It should absolutely be a thing.

Gimme said...

The ironicality stems from the hideous shoutiness of the oatmeal website itself.

They sing 'Kids in America' in the cab but there's no shot of the taxi driver contemplating accelerating into a lamp post. Which seems like something of an omission.

fatmammycat said...

LOL <3 at your grumpiness, so totes darling. How could you? it's so pink and frothy. Shouldn't ALL serious potentially life threatening sick making agonizing relative losing illnessess be treated so cutesily?? I mean BARFING up a storm! LOLSIE! Hope there's stickers for the bumper of my car.

Gimme said...

There are always stickers. They are always pink. So that they will match your car, which must be pink because you are a guuuurllll.

Rosie said...

worse than "girly girls", have you seen what happens when hipsters run cancer fundraisers?

Conan Drumm said...

I don't know which to be more concerned about, your scapula or that apostrophe (a girl's night). Should it not be a girls' night, I was thinking, before it occured to me that a scapula may look something like a properly shaped apostrophe and equally painful when misused.

the dublinista said...

Absolutely horrendous.

Me and my gal pals are still wretching at the thoughts of it all.

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