Monday, February 22, 2010

Hold my hand on take off

Monday, February 22, 2010 21
It's difficult to hide one's true nature on a 180km cycle. Turns out I'm stupid, brave but predominately a bit of a cunt. And an ungrateful one at that. Stop to pick up a tenner that flies out of my pocket? I'm going to spit you out the rear of the chasing pack without so much as a backwards glance. Drag me along the N11 for the best part of an hour? I'm going to drop your ass on the first hint of a half reasonable climb. Spend some considerable time gentle schooling me in the art of up and overs? I'm latching on to the first faster bunch that I find so that I might practise my new found skills. Gimme, gimme, gimme. I'll take, take, take.

I may be a talentless wheelsucker with nothing but a decent engine and five weeks off the booze and fags going for me but this much I share with another Eddie, I don't give gifts and I expect pas de fucking cadeaux in return.

*

I would like to thank whoever nominated my unproductive ass for a Blog Award. I would like to, but I won't. My big gay priest one made the longest long list on the WWW. It's hard to ignore, that fucking list. Everyone tweets it, or emails you about it, or emails you about other people emailing them about it. Turns out every active and inactive blog in Ireland was long-listed this year, except for one, but then there were complaints and now that one's been nominated too.

So here is my promise. If I get short listed, like down to the last four or five or whatever, then I will cycle to Galway. 218 kilometres into the wind with only Mr. M to shield me from the elements. And if I win? If I win I will clomp cleated to the stage in my lycra, helmet and road dusted shades and let forth such an elitist, nay fascist, diatribe on how much better than culch.ie every website in the world must surely be. And then, because I don't drink any more and there would be no point hanging around hoping to be bought cocktails I will walk away through the boos and catcalls and hurled pint glasses with credits playing in my mind's eye and Aimee Mann's Pavlov's Dog playing in my mind's ear and all the credits will read 'Gimme'. Especially Gaffer. But especially Best Boy. And most especially Starring. Gimme, Gimme and Gimme.



 
◄Design by Pocket