I'm sleepy and somewhat loved up on endorphins and my feet hurt more than my shoulder which hurts quite a lot and tomorrow I will most likely have to walk backwards down the stairs which will not lend itself to the teaching of two yoga classes but what are you going to do? I'll tell you. You're going to listen to what I have to say.
A girl's night in. A boy's night out. Concepts of complete cuntitude, of comprehensive cockness. Why must we be divided so? Why must we be so divided? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're familiar with Gimme's fake feminist schtick. But I have more. Check this shit out. They're getting "the girls 'round." Not the women, despite the fact that this all appears to be aimed at grown ups. The girls. And just so's you know, there's nothing better than not having to worry about bad chat up lines. Personally I can think of one or two things better than that and none of them involve worry or women and no me. But yes, it's a girl's night in. Yes, it's for the kind of people who like "baking up a storm", who love "gossiping all night long", who like to "dress down in PJs and watch the X-Factor". Who bitch about their best friend when they go to the toilet. Who cry when they hear their best friend bitching about them through the toilet door. Who wake up on a Sunday with traces of their farting, belching still drunk boyfriend's vomit on their PJs from when he came in arseholed after a lad's night out and tried to rape them, but lacking an erection, threw up on them instead.
Drop the fucking pink. Lose the gender norms. And the word is "around". Around. Get the girls around. Spelling it "'round" in every sentence in every fucking paragraph on every fucking page of your hideously pink website changes nothing.
Look, I'm sorry. I'm in a lot of pain. Go ahead. Give your money to cancer. I'm all for cancer. Go cancer! But please, find a way to do it that doesn't belittle us all and make me want to throw up on my girlfriend's PJs. Thank you.