Those of you with an O2 account should be aware that the company have a live chat feature. This allows you to talk a representative without having to decipher a thick Cork accent. The woman that I chatted with was extremely helpful.
Hi. My name is MichelleM. How can I help you today?
Hi MichelleM. My name is Gimme.
And how can I help you today, Gimme?
I'm not sure if you can, MichelleM.
I can certainly try. What seems to be the problem?
I am sad, MichelleM. I am very, very sad.
I see. What seems to be the problem?
A little depressed.
How can I help?
To be honest I think I'm experiencing all seven of Kubler-Ross's stages of grief. Simultaneously.
Is this to do with your O2 account, Gimme?
What seems to be the problem?
It's my iPhone, MichelleM.
What seems to be the problem with your iPhone?
I left it in the studio for like five minutes and some fucker swiped it.
I'll have to ask you to refrain from coarse language, Gimme.
That's okay. So your phone was stolen?
I can block your phone from here.
Thank you. Can you make it explode in their thieving mitts, leaving them with bloodied burnt stumps where their hands used to be? Like in Iran? But technoligacallier?
Isn't that kind of racist?
Perhaps it's a feature you could consider adding. People would probably pay a little extra for that kind of thing.
I will pass on your suggestion.
Do you have insurance?
I do not. I don't believe in insurance.
You don't believe in it?
I think there's something weird and wrong about laying a wager on one's own misfortune.
Oh. I see from your account that you are not due for an upgrade until 07/12. But you can get a free replacement sim card in any O2 store or I can have one sent to your address. You will able to use this in most phones.
Okay. How much will a new iPhone 4 cost?
If you purchase online it will cost €697.
I said if you purchase online it will cost €697.
How about if I purchase offline?
If you buy from an O2 store it will cost €729.
I thought it might be less.
I can't afford that.
Yes. I'm sure a friend or relation has a phone that you could use until your upgrade status changes.
You're probably right.
Is there anything else I can help you with today?
I don't think so.
Would you like me to post you a replacement sim card?
No, thank you, I'll go to a shop.
Okay. Have a good day. Goodbye.
I just had an idea.
What is your idea?
Lots of iPhones get stolen, right?
I suppose they do.
And then the thieving bastards wipe them and sell them to people for cheap, right?
So all I have to do is find someone to sell me a cheap stolen iPhone, meet him, smash his face to a sticky pulp, and take the iPhone.
I'm not sure that's such a good idea.
I know what you're thinking, MIchelleM. It's unlikely that that would be my iPhone, or the guy who stole my iPhone. But it would be like a kind of karma. The circle of life, if you will. Have you seen The Lion King?
Did you like it?
I would advice against this course of action, Gimme.
But it was your idea!
No it wasn't.
Okay, well you gave me the idea. And you like The Lion King. So on some level you approve.
I don't. I would advise against this course of action.
Okay, sure. You have to say that. They probably have some corporate monster standing over your shoulder checking on everything you write. I understand.
I just don't think it's a very good idea, Gimme.
Is there anything else I can help you with?
I'm not going to do that. I'll just get a phone off someone else until my upgrade. *wink*.
Is there anything else I can help you with, Gimme?
No, that's it. *wink*
Okay. Have a good day. Gimme. Goodbye.
I'll have a 'smashing' day, MichelleM. *wink* Thanks for all your help. And ideas.