Monday, September 19, 2011

But you stand inattentively

Monday, September 19, 2011
As a general rule I find that the happy visions of my death involve me astride a yellow saddle, most often in Fairview, plowed into by, or plowing into any manner of motorised menace. Sometimes the setting changes, to an Alp, a Pyrenee, perhaps even an out of season ski resort somewhere in Canada. Occasionally it's a different saddle. But always Death comes to me as I ride a bicycle.

Today though, a fresh and varied vision. I am reaching up for an item deliberately elevated, out of reach of even the rapidly sprouting almost teenager. Almost out of my own reach too, I used a chair to place it there in the first place. The it in question is a tupperware container, lodged between the ceiling of a high shelf and a precariously balanced pile of heavy glassware dishes. I fumble and flick with my fingers, to no avail. I could admit yet another defeat and just use the chair. But I will not be beaten down. So up I leap, and make a grab. Contact! But with the glassware, all of which comes crashing down upon my upraised face. The force knocks me back and I fall and crack the back of my head Clouseau-like on the edge of the chair that I was too lazy to stand on. The contents of the tupperware have fallen too, and it is on a sweet sweet piece of chocolate pistachio fudge that I unconsciously choke to death.

It may be time to consider a little nutritional forbearance.

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